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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> unlearning
Post Info TOPIC: unlearning
el-cee


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Tonight my son is sleeping on my couch. He is running out of friends to stay with. Putting the anger and guilt trip on me. I told him one night, he's going to see about a room tomorrow, he says. Hes upset he's not welcome anywhere. Feel sorry and want to rescue. My insanity is still alive. I'm sad and feeling a bit hopless again. 



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canadianguy


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http://alanon.activeboard.com/t43783465/tough-love/ 

 

Hi there... I copied an old post of mine, under somewhat similar circumstances.... There are no easy, nor black & white answers in this whole mess, and certainly no guarantees of success, regardless of what we do....  That being said, my 'program learning' reminds me that if your son is indeed "running out of options", then he may learn to consider sobriety as an option available to him.  Once he chooses this path, I'm quite sure that the options will open up for him.

Take care

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

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grateful2be


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(((el cee)))

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Cathyinaz


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(((( el cee ))))

I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love so much. I too am going to have a really hard time when my son is homeless. Not really sure what I'm going to feel or do. I can only keep my program very very close to me and continue to get help from others. I can only pray I will be prepared to let him go. My strength comes from the fact if I continue to do what I have done in the past my son will never learn. I don't want him dead at 45 maybe 50 so I will let go and let God take over.

I like what Tom said... So if my son runs out of options he might seek the help he needs. MOM has to give him that chance.

(((( hugs ))))



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Breakingfree


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I love the link Canadianguy copied on here that was an awesome read. It's about progress not perfection. Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
PP


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Tomorrow is another day, el-cee, to start fresh.  Perhaps you did exactly what you needed to do just for today. Sleep well.



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Paula
el-cee


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Thank you. I feel better this morning. I have accepted that I can't live with him. It would take 1 or 2 weeks and it would all be bad again. I'm going to stick to my word. He has other options, he is trying to make me feel bad but last night I walked away, I'm not prepared to listen to his crap any longer. Why do I have an ahole for a son. Must work on compassion. Tom I have read that post a few times, so helpful, thanks. Its nice to know you can come here and vent.x

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pinkchip


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Elcee - your son acts similar to how I did at like 18. Much of alcoholism is just a refusal to grow up. Add that to having the entitlement issues that a teenager/kid has combined with that "nobody understands what it's like for ME ME ME ME! Boohoo!" thing. He will grow up one way or another. He also has 2 parents and it's not all on you (aside from the fact that it's really not on either of you at this point).

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grateful2be


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Glad you are feeling better this am.  "Why do I have to have an ahole for a son" made me laugh, although I know this isn't a funny circumstance.

If your son wasn't such "an ahole" could you let him go with ease?  Maybe they need to fight us so that we'll free them? 

Hope your day is filled with pleasant surprises and some peace today. 



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WorkingThroughIt


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Insanity and hopelessness - been there. They are the defects of step 2. Fortunately Hope is the principle behind step too.

I was insane. My anger caused me to punish oothers for the way I felt. I would confuse other people's faces with that of my A just for relief. But it worked temporary always.

i really needed a spiritual solution!

i remember stalking this one woman. I would wait for her to come around --- and POUNCE! I made places feel unsafe for others. I was a passive-aggressive manipulator and a relief-seeking missle. I knew there was this certain work I could do and I hated it, refused to do it.

That was all I had.

But I found a way out.

I don't have to lash out at others anymore. I can sit with pain use it to grow - I have a way to do that Today!

Hugs.



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