I try my best to only bear "good news" to people. I like to keep a positive upbeat attitude despite it all.

Recently I had wrote about one of my best friends from high school which I lost touch with. We are both creative people and upon or reuniting we decided we wanted to create an independent film to submit to festivals. Now they are very talented in film/cinematography (he had been nominated for a Latin Grammy music video once before) and cinematography, but little by little as much benefit of the doubt that I have given them.

 Despite the fact I wrote the screenplay, her husband was going to be titled as "Director" which is pretty much considered more important than the screenwriter. I do not mean to brag because it was very humbling that they mentioned it, but they both loved the script and the other cast loved the script as well as it has a good unexpected twist. What happened was, I was not ready to film a movie right away and I told them (separation, new job, limited time with my children....the guy has one child that lives with mom but she does not)........And as enthusiastic as they were, I thought "why not?". The do not regret leaving my previous job (as I have way more time for my children now) but they encouraged me to concentrate on my creative side which enhanced that. I thought....."If I dont' take a leap of faith, I'll stay where I'm at".

So, I worked on setting up auditions; contacting the cast and setting up practices which I have and they suggested I play the lead female as I would always make time for practices . In they mean time, they did not have contracts ready like they said they would (I got them last minute) they were inviting themselves over to my house often (round 3 times a week), I would cater to them out of my heart for a while, but after a while they would say things like "we are hungry" but took my generosity to different levels...sometimes inviting themselves to a snack, lunch, or dinner (these people are big as well as big eaters), asking for strange favors like picking up a table for them in a different city because they dont' have gas money (which I didn't), having their packages mailed to my mother's house (which I live with and told her "no"), Asking me to put a down payment on a photo package when they still did not show me the proof of some business cards I ordered (she said they day before it would take two weeks), they put me in a spot where I paid for their lunches twice.......They were pretty much asking for things in return and I am guessing it's because they feel they are doing me a favor by filming they script. They have their own place and recently brought a French Poodle for $500. hmmmmm.....makes you wonder?

I'm not one for I'll "take this for that" kind of friendships because although we were best friends long ago, I guess I don't know her well anymore.

I know they have their troubles but they have not been professional either with their actions. They have been avoiding film talk since the last time she was over (Mother's day) and asked for a chocolate covered strawberry, to which I replied "You have to ask my mother because those were her gifts from me for mother's day". I think she finally got the hint. 

Anyhow, the things I can changed. what I decided to do was write a letter of apology for cancelation of production to the cast thanking the for their dedication as far as practices go and try to find a new production company that would either like to work with me and film OR just buy the registered script for themselves.

Waiting for my so-called "friends" and  "professional business partners" has not had me in a serene place and I'm doing what I have to do now.

I detached from them, haven't contacted them, just like they've been avoiding me since they realized I'm not a doormat that lives in a place where the "food isn't always free". I also have two other mouths to feed and take care of my two elderly parents because they do need some help.

I'll be in a good place soon as far as apologizing to the people that have taken part in the project (a total of 30 people more or less, yes I know). But My serenity is very important and today, is the day that I move on.

This is my letter to my large cast:

Due to scheduling an other obstacles in not having a set schedule, It upsets and saddens me to inform that production for this script is currently canceled. It was a project that I myself and Im sure most of you believed in..... I cannot promise, but for whatever reason another film production company decides to take over the script and create the film, You will be contacted and hopefully with sponsorship and pay. Although it was not produced, as the writer of the script, I give all you actors and parents of actors that were dedicated with practices and such, permission to use credit for the character played however, instead of film, under theatre since we do not have reel. Im privileged to have met dedicated individuals and because I feel I let you down, I would like to make it up to have myself used as a reference as I have nothing but great things to say. In the meantime, Ill be seeking out production companies that believe in this project and have the time to have a more set schedule for faster production.

I have faith they'll understand as the industry itself is like that. Hate to be a dream crusher as I want to make dreams and beautiful art come true.

Just for today, I'll do what I can to find a place of clarity.