The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday afternoon papers were served to my husband, and now the process is officially underway. I am a mix of emotions--maybe in shock a bit? I feel strong, resolved, know it's the right decision for me one moment, sad, questioning the next. So far the three kids are doing alright, I think our oldest (almost 19) having the toughest time and he is a quiet, introspective kid to begin with so I worry that he is keeping a lot inside. I am trying to give him distance but also let him know that he can feel and say anything and it's all valid right now.
My H called his parents yesterday and talked with his Dad. My H started to rant about how the only way I was able to get my master's degree and pursue a teaching job was because of his University job (I was able to attend grad school tuition free); my father-in-law was quick to remind him that if my mother were not here to help with the kids (youngest was just born at the time) I never would have been able to get all that school work done. My father-in-law, upon hearing that the divorce process had begun, said to my H 'let's cut to the chase--how much of this is about your drinking'.
So--even though this awful, difficult decision is right for me, and I do not need validation from anywhere, I did take solace in knowing that my inlaws (will they be outlaws soon?) know a lot about how we got to this point.
Thanks to all of you--the support is tremendous, and thanks especially to those of you who have shared w me your personal experiences with the divorce process. It is incredibly helpful to know that it is possible to come out of the other side of this thing.
yanks fan ! I needed to read your post today .. I have been setting my life up to have papers served also... My inlaws live in denail and make excuses for any behaviour he provides weather drinking or not. They will blame me for the drunkness they will be seeing since he's isolated himself from them currently (blaming me for the isolation) Im not sure how my emotionals will be after things "start happening" but I cant continue "as is" any longer ~ Its draining the life from me
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Dear Yanks
You sound so healthy, thanks for sharing. I know what you mean about validation, we don't NEED it, but it does feel good to hear. Hang in there, you are doing well.
Dear Yanks - good Lord sister! Are we living in parallel universes or what? :)
I totally relate to how you feel - proud and strong one second, doubting and sad the next.
I realized during my F2F today that after my meltdown last night (see post for the sheer ugliness) that I really needed to work through those feelings.
I was so angry and thought that anger would get me through. It has served its purpose (and still does when the time is right).
I needed to get THAT fired up to get THIS done.
Like the rain washes away the dirt and the grime and makes everything clean and fresh, I feel like my "ugly cry" last night did the same. When it washes over you, dear sister, just go with it. Feel it all - the pain, the sadness, the anger, and the sheer joy of you getting YOU back and of being safe at last.
My FIL called the BS card on my XAH as well, I wish it would have helped. No one ('cept his crazy-arse mistress) will "save" him now.
Thanks to HP for getting me the hell out of this situation. HP truly plucked me from the carnage and dropped me in a safe spot. I know your HP will do the same for you, dear sister.
Stick close to the program .. it's going to workout the way it is suppose to workout .. it just takes time.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
