The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Somebody called me from the Parole Office today in regards to my son who has been trying to call me for two weeks even though I've e-mailed him that I won't accept the calls (too much money plus they want my debit or credit card #s). I'm fairly certain each is calling because they want my home to be his after release. Although he's been in prison for 2 years due to a technical violation, is now on meds which help him a lot, has attended and passed classes, he wouldn't attend AA while there. I can't go through living with him again - on meds or not. I e-mailed him again tonight that if the PO was calling me to ask if he could live with me, I was going to tell them no and wanted him to know my answer before I talked with them. I told him I loved him. I cared about him. We couldn't live together.
I'm heartsick right now. Although prison is no walk in the park for him, he seems to do much better in that structure than on the outside. Right now, I'm finding it difficult to get my mind off what the future might hold for him in being released with no known place to go. He's burned more bridges than he's built with his temper, alcoholism and drug addiction. I can't seem to shake the feeling of dread that I'm experiencing right now. Are there any double winners who can share their E/S/H with me?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 20th of May 2013 08:03:04 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 20th of May 2013 08:03:47 PM
When the time comes and they find that there is no available housing for him, they will make arrangements for him to have somewhere to go upon discharge. I tried bringing my son into my home and it turned into a mess very fast... trust me when I say its very okay to love him from a distance... I would probably end up hugging him with both hands... around his neck any other way. LOL
John
__________________
" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
I'm one...I'm one!! Grateful tho I've not made prison you described my bridge burning escapades to a tee including describing the tools I used to do it with. I didn't use too many drugs doing it because alcohol was the best hammer and ax I had. That's 34+ years ago and some bridges have been repair and new ones built...there's hope and there's HP. HP has no descrimination...when your son is willing and humble and then committed he will rebuilt himself. You will be amazed. Turn him over and over and over while you're practicing faith and trust and your program. (((((hugs)))))
You and your son will be in my prayers but you have made the right decision. My son is not in prison yet? but I have just completely let go. I told him, please do not call me when he's evicted and has no place to go. I don't even want to hear about his problem anymore. I love my son deeply but I can't or will not deal with the insanity anymore.
Take care and trust your HP
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you for the feedback and for the prayers. There is peace when he's in prison and generally nothing but chaos and confusion when he's out. One never knows when or where he'll show up, sick, out-of-control, destructive, dishonest and violent. Nobody can really do much of anything but stand back while he twists in his disease. Each time he relapses, the recovery time takes that much longer for him - the fallout for me, his sister and my grandson - directly and indirectly - lengthier. Thanks again for the support and the prayers.
I can stand with you as a mom and know your pain. You made the right choices, as hard as it was. I understand the peace you feel knowing he is in a structured environment. Take good care....he knows you love him and can reach for his HP when he needs to.
Grateful, I so understand. My son is currently homeless and it's horrible saying no but it's also so important to our own life's. When I live with my son i begin obsessing. My son also has issues with temper and bad behaviour. Im not good for my son.period. he gets worse in my presence. Thinking of you.x
(((el cee))) My heart goes out to you - in large part due to how humble and sweet you seem to be. I do hope there will come a time when both you and your son enjoy a relationship that you have never dreamed possible. My son, daughter, grandson and Dad have been the major loves of my life. I have a sense your son has also been one of the major loves of your life which has got to make it even harder for you to let him struggle and find his own way?
Takes a lot of courage and desire for our children's freedom to let our children go, doesn't it? It's one thing to wave goodbye to them at the door of life when they are healthy, strong and have a good job. It's another to let them go the way they choose when they aren't healthy, strong or have a good job. Let's choose to believe in their strength together and trust in their HP's care for them together, too. It's good there are parents on these boards. We can hold each other up and help each other walk a road none of us would have chosen but must walk anyway in faith, hope and reality that we don't need to journey alone. Thanks for your support, el cee.
Pushka: Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I know you are going through a very difficult time right now and still chose to take the time to reach out to me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 22nd of May 2013 09:32:11 AM
Sending love and support, no ESH on this situation .. sending prayers to you and your son.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am Glad you Chose to Take Care of You! I Once had a Step son that left Prison to return to our Home, and tho for the 1st week or so went well... It didn't take him long to find his way back to his addictions & Craziness & Disease...And I Will say when it is not only In your Home but in your Face on a Daily Basis, there really isn't much rest from it! The Obsessing becomes insanity Very Quickly...
Al-Anon has helped me so much becoming aware of HP's Presents in my LIfe, but not only in mine but in the those around me, seems we as People Get what we Need when we need it! And he's included in that... His unwillingness to attend AA while in Prison would have been a Red Flag for me, and I too would not have been able to bring him to my home!
Nothing in what you have done or desided has changed your Love for your Son! And when he is ready to accept the bridges he has burned and the hurt he caused others, he will truly understand just how much you love him and see how Unconditional it truly is... Unconditional Love to me means we Love them forever it does not mean we "take care of" them Forever... It is Only in Standin on their Own will they be able to Grow... You did a Great thing for him, in taking care of you! Someday he too may have to make these hard decisions and Your Courage he will be reminded of...
Sending prayers that God's Grace Surrounds you, & Keeps you...
Thank you, Jozie! Means so much to have support and healthy feedback when the disease is hitting hard from outside and inside! These times help to remind me that my own progress is only one day at a time, too. There will never come a time when I can say, "Well, then! I'm now 100% cured and don't need my HP and others to help me through this journey. Lots of gratitude! How's your Grandmother doing?
I'm one...I'm one!! Grateful tho I've not made prison you described my bridge burning escapades to a tee including describing the tools I used to do it with. I didn't use too many drugs doing it because alcohol was the best hammer and ax I had. That's 34+ years ago and some bridges have been repair and new ones built...there's hope and there's HP. HP has no descrimination...when your son is willing and humble and then committed he will rebuilt himself. You will be amazed. Turn him over and over and over while you're practicing faith and trust and your program. (((((hugs))))) 
