The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK-Did you hear a volcano erupt yesterday? It was me. My A spouse finally joined a recovery group, and she even went to a meeting Sat. and Sun. She announced in the car yesterday, that she would go every other week. With everything I've learned I just could not help what happened. My adrenalin started pumping, I was shaking, I started yelling (not me hardly ever), and I was half-way crying but I was too angry. I told her then and there if she does not start going at least once a week, I'm taking the rest of the afternoon to move into the spare bedroom and from there I am moving out. I felt so agitated I swear I could have moved a car by myself. I think she was shocked to see the results of her simple statement. She agreed to go once a week. I think with all the stress hormones being released I felt off for the rest of the day and still today. I'm not supposed to give ultimatums but it just came out and I meant it and still do. I told her she has treated me like garbage for the last 7-8 yrs and I am done. She either gets help or I'm leaving. I mean it too. Lyne
Lyne, no one can blame you for reacting like you did. Forgive yourself and move on. Living with an alcoholic 'is too much for most people.' I gave my ex an ultimatum that I meant too. He got sober for 6 yrs but with no recovery so the isms remained. Im not sure which was worse to be honest. When I left him he went straight back to alcohol. I dont mean to sound negative but threats and ultimatums never worked for me and my family. I believe recovery comes from a different place than getting it to keep someone else happy. It sounds like she is not fully committed to recovery and is possibly still in denial about her disease. Im not sure you can force acceptance of the truth. Go to meetings, focus fully on your own recovery, you have been affected, she will do whatever she wants ultimately so get yourself healthy and what will be will be in the end.Take care.
I remember those eruptions myself Lyne and the emotional hang over which came after. Hang in there and get to as many meetings as you can in the week for yourself. In support ((((hugs))))
el-cee-of course you are right-my A doesn't desire any help and she is in complete denial that she even has addiction. Why do I keep trying so hard????? Lyne Thank you for your ESH
I have been there many times and thought it was over for me. I just made to many mistakes. But now I know that isn't true. We can always start over and correct our mistakes. I have to look at my denial in the fact I couldn't fix my son. I had to let go. I had to detach with love from him. I had to seek help for me before I became insane.
As the saying go's " Say what you mean, mean what you say but never say it mean"
She is going to drink or she's not.....what are you going to do?
Take care and keep coming back.....you are not alone
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
