Never ending mess within me - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Never ending mess within me

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'll pray that your HP shows you families in the neighborhood who aren't using and are safe for your children and for you. There may be folks using, but there have got to be others who aren't. There may also be safe places established in the neighborhood or close by it that your children could go, too?
Places where there is healthy adult attention and supervision and structured programs? Good luck.

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Thank You for sharing Breakingfree,

Speaking as someone who lived in an apartment growing up, it's what is happening in the apt that matters most.

We lived 5 people in a 2-bedroom apt. There was drinking and smoking, yelling, verbal abuse happening constantly within the apt. It was coming home I dreaded and not leaving.

Also, I'm not here to tell you what to do but please make sure your 15 year-old isn't sleeping in the same room as your 4-year old. Speaking from experience, teenage boys need an element of privacy, especially at bed time. I had to room share in the apt and it was quite an uncomfortable experience and wish I would have just stuck with the couch.

As long as you provide them with a healthy stable environment, that is all you can control.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs BF,

I sooo know what you mean and fully appreciate where you are coming from. I seriously doubt with your ex's issues that the courts would allow custody .. I know that's a scary thing to look at. You are right you can't control what the courts do in these situations .. it is the law and while he doesn't have to like it .. it is what it is. Chances are the courts are going to go with what has been the precedent set, I really wouldn't sweat that .. you aren't keeping the kids from him he's making a choice NOT to see them.

Just keep doing the next right thing .. hugs P :)

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

You are wise to be aware and sensitive to how the environment may present for your children. Keep looking for healthier-minded people. Hopefully other living options will become available to you sooner than later. After school programs or sports may be helpful. I'll keep you and your children in my prayers.

Biking, target shooting sound like wonderful ways to spend time!

Ms S · Veteran Member

you sound so positive in your efforts to move forward in your own life and to help your children to have healthy choices - that will pay off for all of you
hope you have a great 3 weeks off school

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't think it's a mess, I think it's just life. And, life is never NOT messy, LOL! I want to learn how to target shoot, too, because I think it would be a great skill to learn as well as stress relief. Thinking of you and sending you lots of cyber support!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I know it must be horribly frustrating. You are doing your best to help your kids.

You are in school. I know for a fact there are others like you who need safe housing, singles with kids. You might want to post what you need on a board. Get some other or others to rent a house with a yard for the kids.

I also took classes with like interests. Many social type classes about learning about me. May I invite you to look for a class or classes that have something to do with children? Also I am sure the financial aid dept could guide you on how to find others who need a "home."

Have you signed up for HUD? I invite you to give your housing dept a call. To get the number you can call the human resources place.

OH also this may seem weird, but does this college have a womens issues dept? That would be a great place to find others like you. I met the neatest gals that way.

You are so right not to allow the kiddos to go outside. They are so vulinerable!

I got to know a gal out here in the country. I do like her. But like you, found out she is not someone I can be around.
She smokes for one thing, but also has a med pot card. I was at her neat house, and even though she went on the balcony to smoke, I was very sick the next day from it. Plus her language....ugh. I was really disapointed. NOT putting her down in any way. She has a right to how she chooses to live. I just cannot be around.

I know you have a good head on your shoulders and you are very loving. Also I have faith in you that you will make things right.

The A got himself where he is, you owe him nothing.

hugs! debilyn

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

It is so hard not to slip into those patterns that we know so well. You are recognizing them, which is so healthy. You keep on going in your recovery and your kids will see that it is possible to live almost anywhere, interacting with almost anyone and still stay strong and healthy. It is true, as slogan Jim said "it's what is happening in the apt that matters most." Take care...hugs

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.