The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How many times do I need to set myself up for failure. I can't hide anything with out the Ah finding it.. Again my accounts have been revealed. Why do I set my self up . Ah always seam to no everything I do. I give up on any sight for help.. It get found and then this set me back thinking I was going to get better till the snooping starts again . I'm past past upset.. Again I need to close out every port hole I have of communicate with. Nothing is safe . I'm so tired of this , I can't take no more. Thank u for the help, but this Is not a safe place for me to seek suggestions or any help , it's time to vanish . Isolate, stop talking . If I went to confesstion with my current issue I would not be surprised if it was my Ah on the other side listing. My only chance I have of surviving this dam diesese is to comitt my self to a hospital to have my peace of mind and a chance to relax.. Good bye
I hope you're still around or will come back- please don't give up Alanon before you see miracles. There was a time when I thought it would be lovely to check myself in- 3 square meals, a clean bed, and a huge break from being the damage control committee. I've had to protect myself financially and sometimes resort to keeping secrets in response to my AH's (at the time) deviousness and being so out of control... it was an indication of just how crazy things were.
Do have a solid safety plan, call or get a sponsor and attend meetings for support- it is often too difficult to single-handedly manage the consequences or their disease. Maybe contact a women's shelter? There is hope, help is available, and it is possible to step out of and away from the black hole. You have options and choices.
I don't know you and I only know what you've written here about your circumstances. I can tell from what you've been writing that you are struggling and wanting peace, but you don't know how to obtain that peace. Perhaps the solution you posted here - admitting yourself to a hospital for now to relax and to find peace is your HP's guidance to you? As long as this choice will not harm you or harm another, it might very well be the way to find help for yourself for now?
Take care, sister. There's a lot of support here for you. We believe in your ability to take good, loving care of yourself with your HP's guidance. You have said you need 24/7 care and support, a team of people with you, and a safe way to separate from your husband for now. Maybe the hospital idea you've had here is a good choice to make for yourself to get the help you've detailed for us in different posts? Lots of prayers for your continued trust in your HP and belief in yourself.
I'm scared I'm upset . I can't stay with the paranoid AH 6 months sober. Days of harassing me calling me . The questions the mental abuse. This morning I packed my stuff and left him. As I packed he took my stuff out of car. I told him to leave me alone to back off . He keeps badgering me.. Then demands what my plans are . Now I'm scared because I'm sick I'm not well I don't have the plan to follow to be safe .. I'm tired of him telling me please stay I leave . It's not working . Play the game I'm going to tell the kids you left with another man , that you hate them, that I don't love them . Making me feel guilty!!!!! It's not working . Yes I left my children behind and I will handle the abandoned later on. But I'm not safe at home with him. My mind is so confused and twisted from him and his dry drunk ways. I can't even find the police station or court house plus he following every where .. I can't allow myself to be his co dependent anymore . I'm at the end of my rope. I never asked for this sober AH . I should of listen to him when he said I would regret it , him getting sober. The inventory he did on him and then on me . He laught because what he put me thru and then tells me I will never survive step 7 with him.. I am sitting in a parking lot trying to compose myself . For me to get relief and to get better . I can't stay married to him. I'm helping myself today , I'm getting out of this not healthy marriage . And I no it's not me dramatizing it. To many ppl see and here . I am not crazy
You are not crazy. You can only do what's best for you. Find that police station and seek the help anyway you can. He doesn't have the right to abuse you. Like you said above....even seek out a hospital and they can direct you in the right direction. Plead your case with anyone you can.
Your in my prayers....and your not alone
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Ms, try and calm down. Do you have numbers from any alanon members? Call them. It sounds like you need time to yourself to be calm and get yourself space and time to think. Take a break from all this for a while.x
