The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow--in many ways I cannot believe this day is here, in others I can't believe it didn't come sooner, but I have been thinking that all of this has happened according to God's plan, so I'm going to continue to work on giving it all over to Him.
My A will be moving out the first week of June. Our kids know now--all of them, the 18 yr old hit hardest (he is a musician like Dad so very close), the 11yr old protective of me, and the 6 yr old is happy because Dad's new apartment is right across the street from Target! Also, my oldest and my 11 yr old looked at each other and said, 'well at least Mom can get a cat now'! out of the mouths of babes!
My entire, huge Italian family knows (including oldfashioned Dad). And everyone is so supportive, especially here...
I truly don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without these boards and meetings. I'm thinking I probably would not be at this place of clarity if it weren't for everyone here!
So the first steps of action about to be taken...
anyone who is going through same or has been through it, I am all ears as I try to stay strong, loving not bitter, resolved not angry.
Proud of your growth! I know it's not easy. A mixture of the motions. Sad that it is it, but also happy. Worried, scared, but excited in some ways too I imagine. Still an emotional roller coaster but at least it's yor ride and not his.
My HP helped me stay strong. As far as the loving part - well, its hard to be loving towards a person who continues to abuse you and harass you after the divorce, so that took a long time. I didn't struggle with bitterness - just a deep sense of shame and failure and a whole lot of fear. Sadness - lots and lots of sadness. There were times I'd go shopping and catch a whiff of his particular after shave at the store. Hurt. Counseling, Beginning Experience for divorced, widowed and separated persons helped a lot! My life turned about 360 degrees after the divorce, so I spent most of my energies on trying to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, gas in the car. I didn't really have a whole lot of time or energy to focus on him, but the grief did come in waves for awhile. By the time he died, we had made peace with each other, but it was a long process - not so much because of the way he treated me, but because of the way he treated the kids. Its a one day at a time process for which we receive the strength, hope and provisions we need each day. I did attend Al Anon, too, but received the most help at first from a counselor and later, Beginning Experience for people ready to close the door on their marriage.
For me, things got really weird during the divorce itself...he said and did things I never would have imagined he would do.
I am praying this doesn't happen to you...but be prepared for surprises as the process unfolds. You are making great progress...and like my mom said "you have to stop the bleeding!" then you can start to heal..
It sounds like you're doing great and have solid support. Keep on keeping on. June is just around the corner. As feelings surface, acknowledge them and let them pass freely as you focus on yourself and putting one foot in front of another. Sending prayers for you and your family.
I can say that I had the hardest time deciding to leave my exah it took me a long time, but once I left and started looking at me, REALLY looking at me and working my program I grew and I am so much better for it! My life is much easier and I am no longer living my life for anyone else other than my kids and I. It was impossible to make him happy, but I worked myself almost to insanity trying anyway. The misery and anger has left me and in its place is serenity and joy more than ever before. I never imagined I could make it on my own, but here I am headed up and out of the old stuff. Growing and laughing with friends more than ever, going to school, playing with my kids and just living my life on my terms. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I echo what RP has mentioned, I do want to add be sure to take care of you. There are going to be so-so days, bad days, good days, and great days .. some days will just be days like any other and there is still a LOT of time yet to go through the emotional healing of all of this. It's sooo not over, and then there is the glimmers of hope. I just would encourage you to stay on your side of the street .. take care of you .. if it's good for you it is going to be good for everyone else involved ... these are the truths that have gotten me through the gamete of the days.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you all for your posts. As it often happens, after a message I post, when I check back in and see everyone's supportive thoughts (for me, and each other) I get teary..but in a good way! It's very helpful to hear what I might expect along the road I just started on, I will definitely be relying on the ESH here as I continue along.
I'm so grateful to be here with all of you--going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
:)
John---Let your Faith be greater than your Fear-- thank you for that, it will be my mantra today and everyday going forward!
