Tell me about your HP and how you experience it? - Al-Anon Family Group

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Tell me about your HP and how you experience it?

willowtree · Veteran Member

I recently had an amazing spiritual awakening and it was so wonderful. I felt God's presence with me and it was so healing. So today I opened up my bible and read some very beautiful things and some very unsettling things that it said. I immediately felt bad inside and like i wanted to throw it away. I asked myself that if my God was loving then why does it say these things in here. I only seem to feel my HP's presence when I don't read the bible. And then I worry that I may not get to heaven if I don't believe how the bible believes. My greatest fear is being alone and having an experience with my HP that was loving and like he was here was so great and then reading the bible I felt so bad.

I want a HP who loves me unconditionally - I am not sure if the God in the bible is unconditional and it makes me feel alone again. I hope this post is okay here but I really need some ES and H with this.

What does your HP look/feel like? I would love to hear your experience!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a difficult one to answer, because my knowing of God is experiential. I am and have always felt close to God as my companion and have never felt compelled to read or study the Bible. It works for many, but not for me, for now. That may change at some point. I don't live my life worrying about the afterlife. I will give one example of God's (my higher power) presence. This morning I was sitting with my cup of coffee feeling sad, knowing I needed to cry but I could not. I needed to grieve a difficult situation. I have been a mini warrior in my life, so crying is difficult. As I had these thoughts, both of my cats jumped onto the chair to comfort me..and the tears came. My cats typically keep their agreed upon distance from one another and this was not their typical distance. I thanked God for hearing my need and providing the comfort and safety of my cats. This is my HP. If you listen, you will hear guidance all around..through things people say, a certain song on a radio, an illness, whatever. Enjoy YOUR experience of God, and if the Bible makes you uncomfortable, do not read it until/if it can bring you comfort. Revisit it at some point and the words may take on a different meaning for you. I keep in mind that the Bible was written by humans from their experiences, illusions, delusions, filters, etc. Hugs to you

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Willow - my take on God is that I am his child and that makes everything else fall into place. How can he love me unconditionally? the same way I love my children unconditionally. I see myself as a child of God; if you watch little children at play, they don't worry, they don't fuss about things not in their control, they are loving and giving, they trust in the adults in their lives to provide for them, they don't wonder where dinner is going to come from and they rely (though they don't express it) on the adults to monitor their lives, sleep, food, hugs, love, whatever they need they don't worry about where it comes from because they trust that it will just come. I look at every person out there as another child of God, even if they don't believe "my" way, I believe they are children of God and it is easy to view them through the same loving eyes as I am viewed. Like children asking a parent for something, I ask my God for things I want, I work hard to only ask once because I hated when my kids would ask me repeatedly for whatever they wanted. I believe it is my duty to do for myself what I can and leave the rest in the hands of God. But I HAVE to do my part, I cannot just sit back and expect it to come to me. As an adult child of God, I look to Him for guidance, try to listen to hear the answer, trust that He gave me the brains to figure a lot of it out for myself and work to accept when the answer is not what I want.

Today is Sunday, so many people in my town are just now heading home from church - I don't go because I don't feel God in church. I find him in the air, in the sunshine, I marvel at the beauty in the world. I think the Bible has been translated so much that who knows what its really saying? I look for certain passages in it from time to time, because they give me strength - most notably lately is that God did not give us a spirit of fear - I brought that to mind as I drove a bus threw busy city traffic! I embrace that the word LOVE is mentioned so many more times than any other word. With the Bible - I take what I like and leave the rest.

Ms S · Veteran Member

As I spend more time in al anon and working the steps I find my experience of my HP changing
It seems to be different things at different times

One time I was at the railway station with my young adult daughter waiting to board the inter city train to travel to my parents.

She was irritable and moaning about something. And as I was trying to hand it over to my HP with an intake of breath and a roll of my eyes I glanced up at the ceiling of the rail station and there was a pink hellium balloon in the shape of a unicorn. It was so lovely unexpected and fantastic that it took my mind right off the moaning and I laughed out loud. I decided to see that as a message from my HP to lighten up and let my troubles float away!

I'm not even sure who or what my HP is - I just try to have faith that a HP will help and I try to let it help. And help it does.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I experience my HP in the silence of my days like when I'm falling asleep and I can feel calm despite the storms in my life. I feel HP when I am fearful but I push forward in confidence even if I know it's a risk. As likemyheart said, I try to see myself as a child of God and that helps me to remember that my HP loves me despite my shortcomings and failures and defects of character. Yet, I also know that to get closer to him I must surrender those defects and shortcomings to HP to fix so that I can release them and find serenity for me.

I am a Christian, as well, so my idea of God is more about the Trinity: God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I have come to believe that the little small voice we feel and hear in our souls and hearts is really the Holy Spirit guiding us along our paths. So, even though I don't know who or what God is, I do believe in something greater than ourselves and I do believe in the Christian faith and tenets of the faith. There were many years of darkness for me, though, where I had no spirituality at all and it took getting into Al Anon to put that aspect of my life back together.

RoseODAT · Senior Member

There is the Torah, Bible, Koran, so maaaany other "God" inspired scriptures out there...........HOWEVER. Although some words might have been inspired by a HP, these books were also written by men.....they have been interpreted in more than 500 ways, all over the world.......and MOST Times for the government to MANIPULATE a population of "ignorant" people......but do not let that confuse you. Despite the faults of humanity, there is also much good in humanity as well.....Our HP has reached us and it gives us blessings and hope.

I do have my "organized" religion, and although all these books have horrendous things in them, they also have beautiful parables and advice.........and I personally choose to focus mostly on the "Good", because like "good".....There is evil, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

My HP is good, gave us free will, and that is only reason there is chaos. Due to what and how we choose to live our lives......All in all, we need the wisdom to "know the difference" in what we choose to do.

The God of my understanding, loves us very much and wants the best for us desiring for us to choose the better path. I trust, that in the end, tragedies or no tragedies, there is a purpose for it......

I love that Al-Anon brings people of many spiritual or non-spiritual background and helps us move forward.

ParisMemories · Senior Member

Great question. My HP is a kind and caring God, who knows everything I need, but lets me find my way to him at my own pace. He is patient. He gives me signs and messages along the way, but does not get angry or frustrated with me, if I dont hear or see right away. He understands I am only human and still learning. As I write these words I realize that these are the same traits I am working so hard to bring about in myself, patience, gentleness, kindness, understanding. For my HP, these traits come naturally, for me, because I am not God, I must work for them and constantly work at keeping them. One message that my HP has been sending me for the last month, and more and more just this week, is that fear is not of God. Another member posted it in this thread, someone I very much respect at a F2F meeting shared about this, I heard a man call into a radio show saying this...Finally now my ears are open and I hear the message loud and clear. Do not be afraid. My HP has a plan, and I can trust him to keep me safe. Thanks for this thread!

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Hope everyone knows I am writing this with the utmost respect...

I had to let go of the Bible... certainly there are powerful stories in the book...but it was written by a bunch of old Jewish GUYS hundreds and hundreds of years ago...

not to mention all the bible books that were left OUT of the Bible because the powers that be (Catholic church, then the Protestant church) kept the books out of the official Bible because these books ran counter to what they wanted people to know.

I no longer see the Bible as the word of God. I see it as a bunch of oral histories, with the New Testament written down hundreds of years AFTER Christ died. As far as the old testament...scholars are still trying to figure out its origins...and studying the Nag Hammadi texts and the Dead Sea Scrolls hasn't really helped historians figure out where it all came from. There are important stories in all of this writing, many of which may have been inspired by God...Look up the Nag Hammidi texts...read about the origins of the Bible and how it came together and was influenced by the politics of the church at the time...read about the Dead Sea Scrolls...it's really quite interesting historically. Word of God, well...I'm not so sure.

For me, my HP is the power I feel inside every day. That little spark of hope and belief...so I would encourage you to trust your intuition...and if the Bible doesn't feel right or true for you...maybe it isn't....

Ms S · Veteran Member

there are some great perspectives on this thread.

Another way I contact my higher power is when I interpret 'G.O.D.' as 'good orderly direction' In my mind I hear this in the voice of one of the (UK) judges off 'Strictly Come Dancing' (Len Goodman) who has a no nonsense yet friendly tone to his voice. For reasons known only to my HP this seems to strike a chord with me and gets me going when I need to move on from obsessing about situations. It came to me during a night of despair and makes me smile every time I think of it.

I love to apply the al anon idea of 'take what you like and leave the rest' to the idea of HP's and God.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

This thread is very good and an interesting read when I hold it up to the program direction of "A God of our own understanding". I'm an old guy with so many experiences in my life and all connected to bringing back to the understanding I have today. Some of the experiences were in the form of addiction which broke up my early family and was then as maddening as the relationships I had with alcoholics and addicts during and soon afterward and then continuing right up to today. Al-Anon allowed me the grace to "keep and open mind and then find more help" from the fellowship of thousands who openly expressed their understanding and allowed me to see the "big picture". While my family of orgin was conservative Catholic it was also widely alcoholic and drug addicted so tear those perceptions up in little pieces and trash can them...I lived with a bunch of "talkers" and when they found the need "preachers" who didn't walk the talk. I questioned at a young age some of the precepts which were offered to me by nuns and priests because they didn't make any childlike sense. "You have to confess a sin so that God won't be angry at you". "God loves you". At 7 years of age I thought if God, my father, loves me then how could he ever be angry at me. I found a sin any way and lied it to the priest...LOL; shoulda been "I'm lying".

I spoke in Latin, was an altar boy, sang in the Gregorian Choir, went into theology; which was a bust because I knew stuff and still made wrong decisions in spite of it, was a music and gospel minister and taught initiates about the church they were seeking to enter. Hilarious thing there was much of what we spoke of was 12 step spiritual based Al-Anon principles and even the directors and nuns were kinda mystified that we knew what we knew. (We is my Al-Anon spouse and I). I stopped going to church for many reasons, one being that I had become hearing impaired (which doesn't matter to HP cause HP has many more tools to contact me with) another was that my relationships with others in the church were/are not as connected and supportive and unconditionally loving as they are in the program. Another is that I like sitting around in a circle and listening to others share their ESH of real life that to hear one person stand up front droning on and on about a subject that was droned on and on at the same time last year. I get lost....baaaa aaa aa like a sheep cause the shepherd seems to also be lost. Just me now.

I first went face to face with my HP at the age of 11...I ran away from home to get away from the effects of the disease in my family. I ran up to the mountains and jungle of the island I was born on and sat upon the very huge boulder and grabbed my knees to my chin and kept asking "Please help me" over and over and over. I didn't know what help was required all I could do is ask. God knew what was required and knows still. What was required was another span of 26 years of powerless time and then the mysterious finding of the Al-Anon hotline number in the white pages of the local telephone book in a town in a country I was a stranger in and then a live voice that kept me on the phone convincing me that my very life depended on listening and then getting to my first for real Al-Anon meeting. In that 27 year period of time HP shielded me and insulated me from prematurely loosing my life and therefore the opportunity of living it in a way I never thought could exist...like I do today.

Ever hear a Blackfoot Indian talk the prayer to the Creator? I was allowed to hear that and not only that I was holding the hand of that indian "John" at the end of my home group meeting. He had chosen to close the meeting the week before and then almost back out and told me "I can't do it because I don't know the white race's Lord's Prayer". I just told him "do it the way you do it normally then" and I listened and could hear the voice of God as I understood God not in a prayer but in a normal conversation...as you would talk to a good friend or loving parent. I was speechless and forever changed by it. God would then take a hand in defining God for me up until this day. Once I heard John speak so knowingly to his "father creator of the universe..." a personal relationship with God as I understood God then started...as I describe "A vertical relationship" which was supported and helped build by my sponsorship.

God for me is not a mental concept. God is real. God...is, period. And how some others have said here...really my creator father who has created everything above me, under me and around me...living and with spirit and as family...my family.

I have had witnessed miracles in my life and some of those miracles reached out and included and touched others in the program and not. I touch others and so that is understandable. God uses tools and I don't get to project which ones and how and when. I just get to participate...participation is required or else I walk out of the relationship. God...or Akua as I call God now, always does God's part...always. I don't have a choice in that because that is God's will..the other part is my will and when those two wills are in sync ... imagine the outcomes...unlimited. It isn't about getting what I want or what I need all the time or at anytime. It is about me participating and applying an attitude of gratitude for all that I have.

I was told to "come home" in 1993...by HP. I was walking toward my home 2600 miles away from home (Hawaii) when I heard that "voice" say "You have to go home" and I stopped and asked "why do you say that" and the reply was "because your soul was created there" and I got the sense of the huge bolder in the mountain in the jungle and the prayer 'help me". I came back home and re-entered the highly spiritual Hawaiian culture I was born within. If I were to describe what has happened since doing that...this already long share would include the events of 20 years of "vertical relationship". Akua is the name of the Creator Father of all that is...Akua is here presently. The God above all gods...just for me...very much alike to the Higher Power Blackfoot Indian John spoke to that Monday Night at the end of the College Church of Christ AFG home group...Amazing how many and varied our "understanding" is huh?

This is a personal understanding based upon personal experiences. Build your own "vertical relationship" with your Higher Powers and pass it on. Mahalo nui MIP Ohana...Thank you soooo much for supporting my recovery. (((((hugs))))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 20th of May 2013 02:31:47 AM

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Everyone has there own take on the bible and Christianity and it is for each of us to define for ourelves Spiritually and or religiously. I am pretty traditional and like to read the bible mostly new testament, because in my take the old testament things were different before Jesus came and died. This may affend some people, but this is how it works for me. I spend quiet time in my bible and daily readers have done many Beth Moore bible studies to help me to dig deeper, it has helped me in my al-anon program also. When I put the work in with al-anon and a bible study I feel on top of my game. I find they compliment each other in my life. I have no conflict with the bible though. When I first decided to learn about the bible I did many studies with a church group in 2005 and made the decision for myself. We can work our own programs however they help us to grow. You know what agrees with you and what brings you conflict and get to work your very own program with that in mind. Sending you love and support!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs love this thread, :)

It's so weird I was just sharing some stuff about this with a recovery friend this weekend.

When the STBAX and I split my relationship with the God of my understanding shifted, in a very positive way. I have had so many God experiences knowing that He (the God of my understanding is represented male), has my back. I wouldn't be semi sane had it not been for the God of my understanding. I believe that God is not a punishing God that He wants us close to him. I get jolted not punished or at least that is my view. I have shared how I was doing my crazy making dance and distracted outside messing around with a burn pile I wound up staring at the sky on my backside .. LOL .. that wasn't a punishment .. that was God getting my attention. As I lay there I did think .. ookkkk .. you have my attention .. what am I missing? I do believe that God has a wicked sense of humor or we wouldn't have free will. Those jolts when I choose not to listen and do things my way get stronger. When I'm doing what God's plan is for the kids and I when I make a decision it may feel scary, .. I still have peace with it. Even when others are nay saying me, telling me I've made a mistake. I still get that however .. I get a lot more than I used to. I don't believe that God ever abandons us even in the most dire circumstances .. I have been in such pain and misery I couldn't see Him .. He was always there. I don't know if that makes sense.

It could be called coincidence on many levels I don't believe that .. I mean why on the one day that my STBAX was suppose to pick the kids up, my daughter came home sick so I was picking up my son, did I walk out and find his co-worker pulling around in my driveway? Why did I find those emails when I did of him having an affair? Why have the opportunities that have presented themselves come up and I still find peace? Everything in every way has validated my decisions and choices.

Everything that has happened from the time my STBAX left has been me trying to stay on and not slide off the plan that God has for the kids and I. As long as I do the best I can in those situations then I know that God will help me right myself. I love the 3rd step prayer in the big book.

"God, I offer myself to Thee - to build with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, They Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

I just know inside my soul when I am doing what God wants me to do and HIS will not mine be done .. boy .. do things such as "coincidences" sure happen more than not.

God is soft and unyielding, strong in a sugar and steal kind of way. That is the same way He comes to me with that wicked sense of humor that always leaves me laughing at myself and thinking seriously .. sooo NOT funny give me a week and I'll get back to you .. and usually I find the humor more quickly than not. God always is in me guiding me. I am trusting that voice deep inside more and more.

Hugs, P :)

I find that the icky stuff in the bible is the stuff I deem manmade .. I like what the bible has to say in a LOT of it. It is a good way to live life .. that whole side of control though .. I don't like so much. I don't like that it can be taken and twisted in ways that are abusive. I do believe God wants our attention and will go to lengths to get it .. I don't believe He's out to get me personally, or He wants me to feel badly about myself.

-- Edited by Pushka on Monday 20th of May 2013 07:09:47 AM

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

I found God in the Truth as I worked the same steps the alcoholic does in their main book.

it can't be explained. It has to be experienced.

the 12 stepwere based in the main principles and ideas as the bible but those are sort of the action things like accepting Gods gift of atonement (amends) etc...but it's way different too.

Hes incredibly loving.

many come into recovery with a broken faith. And they find a living God who gives them everything they need.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear one. as I told you in pm, picking up a Bible is no different than picking up a trig book. We need to start at the beginning. Also having someone guide you is very important. NOT push you but guide you.

I know no matter how much I love my son, and I do, I would love him no matter what he did. I would hate his behavior but never him.

love,debilyn

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Like my fellow alanoners, I like this thread, so thank you for sharing. I am not and never have been religious. Today I am spiritual and for me its not about religion or as it is in an organised way. Its a feeling. My hp feels like a presence in my life when I stop to feel it. I think the bible is a guide in a way but it is an interpretation of spirituality and I like my own which comes from alanon really. I feel a connection with my program and that lets me feel that I am not alone, I have a life now and I can look at the truth of my life now instead of being deep in denial, feeling utterly alone, resenting religion and the idea of God.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello again Willow - just this weekend I had a moment of feeling like someone out there did something for me! Was working to install a new radiator in my daughter's car, trying to attach a metal hose to a lower port and just not getting it seated correctly, readjusting and trying, readjusting and trying, dirty older car, little car, small work space and way down in the bottom of it, pulling the hose this way and that and trying again, getting a few turns in and testing to find it still wasn't in the right place. Frustration sets in, I should have walked away maybe, but I really wanted to move forward and so I kept trying, must have tried 20 times before I felt the tears well up, and whispered please please please let me get this I can't take this... and right as I was whispering please let me get this, it turned and I had it easy as pie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.