The material presented
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things will never change in my marriage, when Im the only one trying to recover/go through the program and I'm under attack (verbal) every night.. Apologies most the morning.. attack again in the evening ...
He has broken every promise and crossed every boundary plus two !
I feel there is no other way for my well being except to end this chapter in my life.
I deserve better... I never wanted marriage to end, but to continue this marraige will be the end of my soul.
I'm heartbroke that I have to accept my dreams are over.. but its time... its really past time... next step... here I go !
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
I'm so sorry to hear that you've had to come to this painful decision. I would encourage you NOT to say anything to your spouse at this point .. do your footwork first and then if you can try and work something out between the two of you. I don't know if that is possible .. it was not in my case. The sad thing is that 18 months later it's gotten crazier than it was in the beginning and it's unfortunate. It's not how I want to see this chapter close in my life.
Figure out what you want and what you can walk away from first and THEN take steps to figure out what is best for you in ending the marriage, that is just a suggestion. It wouldn't have made a difference in my case because my STBAX it's all about the money for him.
Take care of yourself and I hope you will continue to work your program and keep coming back. Even when the STBAX and I are finalized I will have to keep my program close.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I agree with Pushka. Abuse is not acceptable- please protect yourself by having enforceable consequences if your boundaries are crossed. If you have made the decision to end the marriage, have a solid plan of action with legal counsel before you speak to your husband. Create new dreams which ever path you choose. In support.
(((Sweeetr))) ...I was told not to make any life changing decisions within the first 2 years of the program...That gave me time to change my part of my life that I was choosing to affect. After that 2 year period of time I could see more clearly and the decision was clearer and more experienced. In support (((((hugs)))))
Its sad but the realisation comes then acceptance then action. I think I realised that if I lived my life with him then i had no life, I was only there to be part of his life. Like an extra on a show, his show. I know I made the right decision because I am making good decisions for my life, I dont deal with his mood swings and immature nonesense, then the master manipulation that I fell for every time. I can breath now and its not always easy but it sure is not as hard as living with the madness.x
Hugs and support... So many people have said it better...But I watched my dreams die, too. I thought about leaving on and off from 1997 until I left in 2011. There was no verbal abuse (except my own) and I turned into someone I didn't like.
When the time, finally, came my HP made it very clear it was time to go. A new home appeared, the move was easier than I dreamed. Now, I live in a serene space..no chaos to come home to. I grieved for a year...and then moved on. Not that it's not still painful. When I talk to my ex,...I can here he's killing himself...out of control...insane..physically ill. But, now I know I can't save him.
When the time is right you will know it. Keep asking your HP for guidance....it will come. Good luck, good thoughts to you.
Lots of support to you; this is a terrible realization to come to as many of us have. It has taken years since I first started feeling the way you described, to today when I am meeting with a divorce attorney! So I agree with the posts that suggest you take lots of time to work on yourself and what you need, then start taking those steps to action. It took a LONG time for me to grasp Step One, and for me when I did I knew also could not continue to live wth my A, as awful as that decision has been.
I have been working on "us" like four yrs. working on "me" about 1-2 that I really started educating and really tryin to work on me. I have already started getting things lined up where I can make it without him. Practical car, bills paid where I can afford them (without child support Incase he loses his job) . I actually talked to lawyer in feb. and he told me to get things in order also when I paid my retainer. AH is worse because he knows its come to being more than me accepting his choice in life. He knows I've seen lawyer and he thinks he talked me into putting things on hold. He's not able to upset me and pull me in like he use to. He's going to a doctor today blaming blood pressure and anxiety meds on behavior. But denial on alcohol having anything to do with things. I have spoken enough times with him sober that he knows what will be coming if he didn't change and so far he hasn't. Me buying practical vehicle really ipened his eyes to scare him into crazy panics. He has no intention of leaving without a fight. I've decided when I file (unless this new doctor, miraculously fixes him without him doing anything different,??, yes he thinks this will happen) I will file with a protective order to have him taken out of house and have him served at work and a specific time he can get his things out and I will have someone at the house but not me.
Makes me angry, upset, not sure what feeling really that I don't have the husband/life that I was promised and fooled into thinking would happen. But I can't do anything about it.
Starting a new chapter at 45 is tough/scary but continuing this one would probably be way tougher in long run. I'm sure it can get worse than it is now and I don't want to have to deal with all the bs.
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
