The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Geez! Talk about doing the next right thing. I'd be so angry, I'd be walking home with wrestling the keys out of his hand on my mind FOREVER! You're looking for a way to get home so that you can pull garden weeds to vent. I wouldn't spend any time thinking about what a great relationship we have minus the active alcoholism. I'd be remembering every rotten thing he's done for as long as I've known him and I'd be sure to remind him of those as well - once I had the car keys in my hand. You are actually feeling your disappointment, your sadness and your regret.
I don't have any ESH that is authentic to share with you, but I do have some real admiration for your willingness to act with dignity and efficiency in the face of a disease that you are totally and completely powerless over and the love you still feel for a man with that disease. I have a sense you will see the next right thing you need to do to take good care of your self, sister. Much support for you and your willingness to keep working your program.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 17th of May 2013 05:38:58 PM
I'm thinking more in terms of a vehicle, , so that you're not left stranded 15 miles from home again. I got the impression that was what you were referring to in one of your posts. That you were waiting until you were left in the lurch again before... Must have misinterpreted your writing/meaning.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 17th of May 2013 08:14:35 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 17th of May 2013 08:15:58 PM
I thought it was going to be a good one, but I got caught off guard my my AH. We had plans to go see a concert outdoors tonight, and I took the bus I to work because he was supposed to meet me. Well, no big surprise here, but I just got a call about 10 minutes ago tag he doesn't want to go and had relapsed. (I don't even know if its relapsing anymore, second time this week and he hasn't been to an AA meeting in weeks)
Now, I've got to find a bus to get home (they don't run past rush hour) and somehow figure out how to get to my house 15 mi tues away. I had started depending on rides from him and now absolutely regretting it and feeling so sad and disappointed. I can't tell you how many times I've had my evenings screwed up like this snd how sick I am with dealing with this disease. Absent the active alcoholism, we have a great relationship but he's not taking his recovery seriously at all and I'm just seeing our potential trickle away. Hoping its light out when I get home so I can pull weeds in the garden to vent. Any ESH would be appreciated
Since my AH has came home, I had to walk away everytime he opened his mouth. Since he started drinking again, EVERYTHING is about him. It's sickeneing. Letting go and giving him to God. Thats all we can do right now. On the way home maybe you can get dinner or ice cream??? Think about how enjoyable it is to be by yourself and not having to deal with his alcoholism in public. I know my AH is not a very good people person when he is actively drinking. I am sorry your plans got ruined. Try to enjoy little moments or the crazys spread like wildfire! (((((hugs))))))
Thanks for those great ESH, and please excuse the typos . I was angrily typing away on my phone while on the bus. I'm calm today because I lost it on Tues when he drank then. I just don't get this disease, I'm tired of living with it in that active form (my dad was an A who was in denial to the day he died prematurely of what I believe were health issues related to alcohol)
I'm calm today because its his problem, and his to fix. I just need to make sure I do t get left in a lurch like this and ill wait to another day to make the big decisions
Yes, I am. I'm not prepared to set ultimatums I'm not prepared for right now. If he wants sobriety, he needs to find it on his own terms. For now, I'm okay with where I am as long as I see some effort soon from him to work his program. It's not perfect, but it is wha it is and im not ready o give up on the relationship. Another dimension to my situation is that my AH suffers from PTSD and TBI (traumatic brain injuries) from injuries he sustained in combat. He's come a long way, but also has a way to go.
Wow, this made me so mad. He decides to drink knowing you are stranded. His behaviour is totally unacceptable and because he's an alcoholic is no excuse. The 'poor me, I'm affected, so let me treat you like rubbish.' I'm sorry, I'm not giving good esh but sometimes it just hits me that I put up with so much always thinking up excuses for behaviour that was interable. I love myself a bit .more now. Take what you like.x
Trying to think of some great wisdom that I have heard because I got none coming from me.
The disease is not a get out of jail card for free, .. he's still responsible for his choices and the consequences of those choices. If I were you I would DEF be having a plan B in mind, unless you like taking the bus home which is ok .. it does give that moment of being able to breathe and think before wanting to react. I vacillate between wanting to give the A in my life (and he's a STBAX) a piece of my mind and strangling him. Then I remember .. I need whatever mind I have left and we both can't go to jail at the same time I have children to think of!! :) I kid, .. I kid .. well sort of .. anyway, you have handled the situation with grace and dignity. At the same time .. at what point do YOU matter and YOUR needs need to be addressed .. kwim?
Seriously, you matter as well and having a plan B for getting home is not a bad thing. If he's choosing not to work a program of recovery, honey I need the car to be able to get home and do what I need to do in a timely manner.
Relapses happen far before the first drink .. it's when someone stops going to meetings, stops working a program, they stop doing what they need to do to NOT take a drink .. we try and make sure everyone sits at the table .. the joke is if you are not sitting at the table you are in relapse row. There is a lot of truth to that too. He can get a ride to a meeting and it's up to him to want it. I share the story that I know this person .. when they wanted recovery .. they walked 35 miles one direction to get a bed at the rehab here in town. Believe me .. when someone REALLY wants recovery .. they will find a way and their HP will help them. It's not my job to worry about how that is suppose to happen HP already has a plan.
Please take care of you and I hope you have a sponsor and you are going to meetings because as much as he needs his program of recovery so do you. Living with an alcoholic is to much for most of us and I know I couldn't do it .. I also know I couldn't do what I'm doing now without the support of my recovery family, real time and online.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
, so that you're not left stranded 15 miles from home again. I got the impression that was what you were referring to in one of your posts. That you were waiting until you were left in the lurch again before...
Must have misinterpreted your writing/meaning.