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Having a rough day today. Discovered more lies from the AH, shouldn't be surprised by them...but I'm falling into all my old bad behaviors today. Discover the lie, confront, accuse, he clams up and says that when I get like this is when he wants to drink. I feel guilty, question myself, he leaves, I worry. Same old story. I am trying not to beat myself up about it all. We've all been through it, it is just so d**m hard to not get pulled into the chaos. I hate this disease.
oh I hear ya too. I'm actively in that same circle. I have read alot before work today on detachment, and I plan on using that alot this weekend. I love my AH but not all the isms of the disease. I'm not even gonna come close to mentioning his actions this weekend because like you said, when you confront it....BRICK WALL and we get hurt. My plan is to do all the things I have pushed to the side. Get my ipod fixed, get new shoe's for work I need, maybe even splurge and get a new outfit? Take the kids out for dinner and whatever else I want to do. This is my weekend and I won't spend it talking to a brick wall. I found lies out last night too...AH wanted to stay home and do all the things around the house he never gets time to do...funny when I came home nothing was done. It is what it is...he knows the truth and so do we. Prayers and love, and strength for the future!
LOVE how he puts it all on you...he misbehaves and you are the bad guy...and THAT makes him drink...same old story that I lived. Mine would pick a fight, leave, go on a huge binge and I wouldn't know where he was for 2,3,4 days....but it was my fault..there is no justice either in this disease....take care of yourself...I know how rough it can be and the horrible way you feel....I am so sorry...
I tried to detach, but it all just got worse. I was out this afternoon and returned to find him drunk, just like before. I yelled and screamed, said hateful things. Acted like a lunatic. Then realized I just had to leave the situation. As I was walking out the door, he came into the room and dialed the police. Told them I had assaulted him. I just stood there amazed, i truly thought he was faking. But sure enough, the call was real.
Three officers came, took one look at him, heard my story of the chaos we are living in, and just shook their heads. A nice young officer stayed with me in the kitchen, while the other two questioned AH in the driveway. Young cop suggested, maybe it would help your marriage if you guys just planned a weekend away. How sweet he was. I asked if he was married. Yes, he said, just for a year and a half. Made me smile. And feel sad. If only this could be solved at a nice Bed n Breakfast!
So after a little more talk, police suggested i leave for a few hours, letthings cool down. I told them that was my plan all along. Went to my sister's house, shed some tears, laughed a bit, and played with her dogs while she listened and made me tea.
Came home a few hours later and as expected, AH is gone. Just now he texts me, "Where r u baby? ILY. "
Unbelievable.
I am putting the phone on silent and going to bed.
Yes, Paris we have all been there. What a circle to live in sometimes!
I try to remember that we are asking questions we either already know the answers to sometimes, or know we probably won't get the truth about, or I try to examine my motives for asking them etc
I try to find something to do for myself that takes the focus off of the A and his/her behavior
Read, meetings, tea, running...breathe
Sometimes none of the above works and all of the lunacy comes out of my mouth instead but I try not to beat myself up too much about that, and that's when I remember that living with an alcoholic is too much for most people
Young cop suggested, maybe it would help your marriage if you guys just planned a weekend away. How sweet he was. I asked if he was married. Yes, he said, just for a year and a half. Made me smile. And feel sad. If only this could be solved at a nice Bed n Breakfast!
ParisMemories I am sorry to hear about the time you are having and glad that you got some R&R with your sister
