The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What is it about A's and justifing there actions??? Like they miss there sons chorus concert because they are tired and just want a couple hours to thereselves (to drink but never stated)They say, "you know what I was like when you met me so if you don't like the money, house, cars I give you, you know where the door is? Thats manipulation right??? I feel so confused right now everything is blurred in my mind. I need to get to a meeting ASAP....but until that can happen I thought I would ask my MIP family here...Much love and prayers to everyone, I will try not to suffer for today!
-- Edited by 1976love on Friday 17th of May 2013 05:04:57 AM
It is a sad and terrible disease. I gave the crazy rationale and justifications much thought for many years and I still don't know. I do know that it is what it is. It becomes easy to second guess ourselves and buy into the heap load of manipulation and guilt served as a steady diet. I now think of it as an invitation that I must refuse- I know the consequences if I accept and engage in someone else's insanity.
So, I try not to dwell and figure out "crazy", the "whys" have been equally unproductive; and, if I ask the question "what", then I make it "what for? to bring the focus back to myself and the things that I can acknowledge, accept, and change. The more I work the Alanon principles, the less confusing things become.
Although I have a long way to go, I am realizing that suffering is often optional- do something nurturing for yourself. Much love and prayers to you and your family. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Paula's answer pretty much summed it up. Manipulation and/or control. Either way, it's very typical of As. My AH always has an excuse to either minimize, justify, or make his behavior seem 'normal'. He was good at it even when he was dry for 15 years, too.
Quiet words I wish I had spoken to my now deceased XAH when he said things similar: You are what I want more than what you have ever bought for us. You and your laughter. You and your quick wit. You and your funny way of dancing. You and the way you hug me. You and the way you protect me. You and the way you look at me when you see me dressed in clothes you picked out for me. I want you, my special husband. I want you. I hate losing you to a disease that has robbed me of seeing all that you are and all that you have truly brought to me in our shared history together. It is you that I cherish and value and love. Just you.
