Hello My Al-anon Family...

Sorry its been so long yet again, however seems life Keeps happening even when I'm Unprepared for it...Quick update...

My Mom's 'Surprise'Retirement party that I worked on for 5wks went off in wonderful Fashion... She was "Clueless" all the way up till she walked in the door to meet the 100+ People that showed up for her... She had a Wonderful time, and all the headache of prep was worth it, when it she finally walked thru the door and realized it was ALL For Her... Her Face was Priceless and the first words out of her mouth to me was... "YOU LIE'D to Me!" lol... I Just smiled & said..."For a VERY LONG TIME!" ;)

Shortly there after I have been battling MiGrains, so getting on the computer and stayin on for any amount of time was to hard on my head! I still get them but so far not quite as bad, yesterday was just a headache and I was Grateful for the rest...

ON Mother's Day...I Went to Visit my 88yr old AGram (You all hear me speak of) Well I was Fighting Migrain that day so I had my son drive me (Oh He Got his Permit.. Woo Hoo) when we got there she had just woke from a nap, and she was a little unclear, and at first I thought My Head was playing tricks on me, and i was hearing her wrong! but after removing my son from the room he confirmed that he too noticed a differance...

We walked back in the room, and that is when God Slapped me with... "She's NOT OK!" She Wanted to know "Where" My Dad was... (Her Son that past in 08) I ask her again to see if that was the question and she said "Wheres your Dad!" I told her that Dad was in Heaven, and she just kep asking "Well Whats He Doing?" So after leaving the room several times in tears, I got ahold of My Aunt & We Took her to the Hospital, to which they confirmed that she had had another "Stroke!" And Because I Happened upon her on a visit, already like this, we had no idea to know when it started? So they couldn't give her the meds that if you catch it in the 1st 3-5 hrs they can usually bring them out of it, but that time had been gone, so we were stuck with the waiting Game... 5hrs in the ER waiting for a Room :(

Doc said that the stroke effected her the Left side of her Brain which would explain the "Jibber" she was talking, tho she would have moments that were Very Clear, it would only last moments! then back to jibber... She can still walk, but needs help because she Leans to the Right now! This has been a VERY Stressful week on me, My Aunt & Uncle... My Aunt & I care for her on a Regular basis the best we can, and my Uncle lives out of town so Only shows in times like this! So its been tough... 2 days in the hospital we found out that they were throwing her Out after 72hrs because that is all that her insurance would allow, SOooo Yesterday we got her Signed into a Nursing home in hopes that she can do her theropy there! She has made it VERY Clear, she is Not Happy with this choice, but yet in the next moment she will ask you where she is... It is so Hard seeing this little frail Lady that is normally so Independant in such a shape!

Thank GOD for My Program... Even in the Mist of her Stroke... She is STILL fixed on her Addictions..When she found out she was goin into the Nursing home, Her 1st Thoughts was to get her Pocketbook and Have my Aunt Check her "Tips" She got at the Bar! To see if she won! She Can't Remember some Faces, but Can remember her gambling... & Drinking... Her 2nd Thought was to tell us what she thought of Our Decission to place her in a Nursing Home for Rehab...

I Have been Doing My Best to PRAY For GOD'S Will for her... Not Mine! Because I do at times find very selfish moments where I just want her to be the Gram I remember... I think I have come to terms with the fact that can not happen, but swallowing down all this reality is def. playing tricks on my Migrains, and Emotions to no end! She wants me there around the clock, not understanding that I have to work thru the day, I think because I am one of the Few Faces she seems to remember all the time, but she still at times forgets that Dad has past away, so she continues to ask me where he is, and what he is doing... To which I have got pretty creative in my answers to her! Like... "He is Smiling Down waiting on you to get better, or He said he loves you, or as pretty as it is today, he may be gardening!" :) it seems to sooth her even if she don't understand...

So Its been Very Hard, reliving this over & over again this last week, but for her, I will put up with the pain in my heart, to make her have a better 'Moment'! I will Say, This has brought new Meaning to "Take it One MOMENT at a Time!" Becasue her memory is like a roll a coaster, she will have One moment of (I know who I am) to (I don't know who you are)... So I Have been tryin my best to savor the Good Moments, and Remember that the others to "Shall Pass!" I haven't been able to make many of my meetings with all this going on, and my son Still on 2 Soccer teams, but I'm doing the best I can! I am Strung out and exhausted but I know HP will see me thru the fire, as always! So My Favor to all of you is, Please Pray for God's Will to Look over her... I know he is, however I Do Truly Believe in the Power of Prayer, and I know HP will do with her what needs done for her Own Peace & Peace of Mind!...

Thanks in Advance, for ALL Your Love & Support thru these Crazy times in my life! I Have sure Realized even more, just how precious it is to be of Right Mind, and I am Allowing HP to show me the Gifts in all this, Instead of focusing on all the "What If's" For I Know I am Not God! And I know in my Heart, this is just another part of my Journey, that I need to Face with Love, Compassion, Grace, Gratefulness, and i Do truly Continue to Count my Blessings Every day, Several times a time!

Love, Hugs & Prayers to all

Jozie