The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
separated from my ex boyfriend six months ago, we lived together for 18 months, i had no idea he was an alcoholic, as i have never been exposed to this, i thought he was just a social drinker and enjoyed a few glasses at night and could handle his drinking....then things went into decline, he became short tempered, verbally abusive, critical, paranoid, always calling me a liar, his sleeping patterns were very erratic, his personal hygiene was awful, so much so it seems to haunt me now, he would walk about the house naked, i had to beg him to take a bath, summer days were unbearable sometimes, and the worst of all, this is the first time i have ever said this, he used to soil the bed sheets and soft furnishing in the house, i did point this out to him in a very delicate way, as i knew he would only kick off. when we separated he bad mouthed me to anyone that would listen to him, this hurt me very much when the stories came back to me, i myself never told a soul, except for a very good friend..............my problem is i am still sad, sad for the man i first met who wasn't drinking a bottle of brandy a night, or passed out at the lounge table at 2am with a lit cigarette in his hand. he lives alone now and i know he is drinking heavily, i do not make it my problem anymore, and know it could never work out as is unable to maintain a close relationship with anything but alcohol. he is bloated and looks like an alcoholic, i keep myself very busy, but somehow this experience has haunted me, is this normal and will it pass?
I'm sorry...I know the feelings you are having inside. We all get them it's just learning how to process them and move on. I find when I'm going through these feelings, I would journal, read my Al-anon books and pray to my HP for peace. I say the serenity prayers a lot during these times.
As far as telling me AS that asks me a question....I give him the truth. If I'm depressed I could tell him. " No it's not because of my job it's because it's the way I'm living right now but I'm learning to help myself so " This too shall pass " No worries my dear " Let it go......
Let go Let God... because you didn't cause it, you can control it and you can't cure it.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I can't speak as someone whose loved an alcoholic partner, but as someone who loves an alcoholic. I had expectations of this alcoholic. I thought they would be there for me when I needed them. I planned to have them as a part of my life going forward. Those expectations weren't met. He let me down. I have been hurt and it hasn't gone away.
Through the Al_anon program, I have come to learn that I can't rely on others to make me happy. I am at an age where I need to rely on myself now and not someone else.
I also get lonely, but my HP will bring the right people into my life when I need them.
he became short tempered, verbally abusive, critical, paranoid, always calling me a liar, his sleeping patterns were very erratic, his personal hygiene was awful, so much so it seems to haunt me now .. (the disease effects us in 3 ways: mind, body, spirit; them too. hence the haunting on any level).
It's been near 2 years for me and I miss him tonight too. I don't post on him often but your posting tonight is a gift because it allows me to post to one who understands what I am "feeling tonight. I never feel it to the degree I used to, yet once in awhile my humanness kicks in and I'm haunted by my past as well. Looking back, it still seems so surreal once in awhile like it never really happened. We still have contact, but it's what it is. Today, I know he is not the answer to my serenity or my sanity. He is the answer to my disease. When I am in my own disease feeling fear, anger, blame, criticism, etc., you name it, he gives me something to do. When I am feeling those feelings, sometimes I feel empty. I was addicted to chaotic excitement because It was the only thing that made me feel alive at one point pre-alanon. It would make me feel alive tonight too sadly enough; I am 'feeling empty, restless, and lonely. Yet when I sit in the meetings and feel serenity, nothing in the world feels better than that nor does anything make me feel more joyful and alive. the pain of being out is also much less than the pain of being in.
The disease is really more of a thinking disease. Alcohol intensifies behaviors and thinking. They become 'increasingly angry, blaming, criticizing, etc., but even without the alcohol, over time, they become the same way even when they aren't drinking or using anything. Sober moments are also nice moments. We will always be surprised when they turn back into hydes after being jeckyls for so long.
I am spending time tonight with a relative who is terribly negative at the moment. I am already depressed and beginning to take on some of the behaviors and despaired thinking. I have a beautiful, strong recovery and yet I still have my moments. I will forever need alanon and forever need higher power. if you don't go to alanon, please try going. it might be the best thing you ever do. We recommend trying 6 meetings before deciding whether it is right for you or not. face to face truly helps.
when you wonder if this is a disease try to remember, who in their Right minds would ever behave the way they do. it's got to be a disease.
I can relate! July 16 will be the one year mark when I dropped my AF off at the airport and didn't even say goodbye. We should be getting married this coming Saturday. I still miss the good parts, but not the chaos or the drama or being told how I am to blame for anything and everything that goes wrong. This time last year he was on a drunken bender and I still thought it might work. I came to my senses, only because of Alanon. Without Alanon, I would probably be going through another round of benders with him. Last I heard he was 5 months sober. That means he relapsed at least once since he left here. He isn't living alone, he found another "Me" she is probably a very nice person....I feel badly for her. But, I have a twinge of jealousy too. It's all so irrational. Hang in there, enjoy the peace.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
It is the gift of time...time that we can't take back, time that we can't fast forward, time that we must just soldier through. I left 3 years ago and the first few months were pretty rough....lots of anxiety....but slowly, ever so slowly I thought of him less and less....and now when I do it is with the hope that he is well. He still will not speak me...guess ehe's still mad I left, however he was the one that filed for the divorce
Go easy on yourself and really try to stay in today. That gets me through ALOT....my favorite prayer (which came to me while walking on my favorite beach) is "Let today be enough for me, and today may I be enough for myself"
