The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am not sure how this message board works yet, but I really need to talk to some one. My husband is an alcoholic. He is great during the day, but our nights are really bad. We have a 15 year old son and this is really hard on him and I. I am so torn as to what to do. For the normal part of our life we are living a dream life. Everyone thinks we have it all. I can't really tell anyone what is really going on here. We have a business that I don't want to screw up by letting this out. I have to put on a front to everyone I know or meet. I am covering for my husband every evening when he passes out I feel like I am going to go crazy. Every morning he makes me feel like it is my fault and and when I tell him how he was while drunk he laughs and thinks drunks are funny. My husband is still the love of my life when he is sober and a great man, but the nights really suck for me and our son. I can spend hours making dinner and the next morning he has no idea what we ate. We take this as a running joke just to get through it. Is there anybody who can relate to this? We live on a small island drinking is the norm here. I am sorry if I take to much time, but thought someone can relate. Not a good night again tonight. sorry if this is too long
Many can identify with what you have shared You are not alone. If your husbands drinking is causing you concern I would like to suggest that you check out alanon face to face meetings in your community. The main number can be found in the white pages. We believe that Alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless .Alanon is a fellowship of people who live with the disease and meet in order to break the isolation caused by the disease, and learn how to recover from the devastating effect of living with the disease. There are also alateen meetings that your son can attend.
We also have on line meetings here 2xs a day
The group meeting room can be easily accessed by clicking on the link on the menu bar above the board. You can also join directly at http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html. .
Morning Meetings
Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST
Sat. - Sun at 10am EST
Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.
Another part of the Al-Anon Family Groups is Alateen. When you find Al-Anon in your area see if they have Alateen available for your son. You will be and he will be glad it was there for him. I am a former Alateen sponsor for 6 years and young people change faster than adults and some of the kids I was blessed to be around for that length of time also helped me build the foundation of my own program. I am in support and hope you find the program...Hotrod also mentioned meetings here at MIP and there is an Alateen board which is available for him though not as secure because of the fear that there might be some "peeking" going on. It has happened lots of times and the spiritual foundation of our program is rooted in anonymity. Welcome to the board Shalimar...Keep coming back...((((hugs))))
Good morning Shalimar, I am fully in support of what Betty and Jerry had already said. My husband is an alcoholic/addict. Until I found al anon, my thinking was as confused as yours and I was apologetic for basically living. Addicts make their choices/actions everyone else's "issues", so whether or not I argued with him, I had arguements within myself which made me crazy. I KNEW intuitively the truth (his stuff was not my fault), but after years of having many relationships with addicts, I did not know my stuff (my soul) anymore. If you work YOUR recovery (which means follow the guidance of Betty and Jerry), your thinking will become clearer. When the confusion begins to lift, you will see your entire life through another lens, a healthier lens. When you clean your "glasses", the world looks cleaner and clearer. I wish you the best...there is hope for you and your son if you do the work of al anon. If you don't, it will get crazier, not it may get crazier, it will.
Wshing you lots of strength Shalimar; I remind myself often of what I heard at an Alanon meeting once: 'living with an alcoholic is too much for most people'. We who have lived with As are experts at taking lots and lots and lots on. Please keep coming here for support, there are online meetings and go to face to face meetings also. Very helpful!
Thanks for your responses. This is the most honest I have been in along time of denial. We don't have any meeting where I live. I have contacted a women who I know is going through the same thing with her husband and we meet tomorrow. I am just very tired of living this way. I have to go look for him every night to see where he is and make sure he is alright. He has ruined and broken so many of our things. I try to talk to him every morning about it. Sometimes he says it is my fault, sometimes he just laughs. Sometimes he just says that the drinks make him feel good. I feel like I am always covering for him or cleaning up after him. He doesn't understand that the next morning I am still seeing the drunk passed out on the floor and not the wonderful man next to me. I really have to protect the life we have here, but I know that isn't helping the problem. Sometimes I don't know which is worse, the drunk nights or the hangover sarcasm in the mornings. Once he sobers up during the day he is the greatest. I am going crazy here. With a 15 year old I think I am the only parent. Daddy is always just the fun one until he passes out. Thanks for listening. How do the online meetings work? I can't always get away and I don't want him to know I am writing.
We take this as a running joke just to get through it.
I also do this when I talk about my experiences living in an alcoholic home. My councillor pointed it out. It's good to have a sense of humor but it sounds like you are avoiding your feelings. These are very hurtful experiences and you are brushing them off by making them a joke.
What you are going through is normal. You have no need to avoid it. You may think you are holding everything together and will always be able to do so but believe me, you will crash and burn-out. I have seen it and experienced it first-hand. More people have probably clued into his drinking than u may think.
Try and look for an al-anon meeting in your area. Bring your son to an alateen meeting. You'll be doing both of you a giant favor.
