I read the latest responses to my last post. Jerry F. PP, Elcee and my first inclination was that it made me a little angry. Especially yours PP. But then I thought about it and realized that you were just being honest with me and it just happened to be something I didn't want to hear. No I suppose I'm not alright in the whole. I've never been. Dont really know what that is. I am trying to change myself. It starts with me. If i am completely honest i felt what you said... how long will they listen and be supportive. I am now on the better part of the merry-go-round. She has done more today--did the dishes cleaned the house, cut the grass, cooked me breakfast and two meals (one to freeze for later) and is talking about cleaning out the fridge and says to me that it's time for her to get off of her pity pot and confront her feelings in therapy. "No more drinking and no more marijuana" she says. I admit that it is hard to resist the feelings of hope that it fosters. Lets face it though... nothing of any substance has changed except that now she is scared of me leaving her... and the merry-go-round continues and if history is any judge it will come back around to the bad,terrible,hopeless part once again. I will look into f2f meetings because I don't want to continue this ride. I don't have a vehicle except on fridays when I can borrow my mothers but where there is a will there is a way. I am asking everyone who has followed my posts to be as blunt and honest as you can be. I don't want to just be comforted. I want to get better. Sympathy or empathy are nice but (hopefully) it is the cold hard truth that will set me free. I will post again after my first f2f meeting.

What a good start. Your open, honest and ready to listen. As you walk into that room your chair will be waiting for you. You will be welcomed and you will sit down, listen and learn. Then you will have a chance to tell your story and the people will listen.

Just 6 meetings and if you don't like it your, misery will be gladly refunded.

Let go of her and take hold of you my friend....((( hugs )))

PS: What's good about Al-anon and MIP....we will always be here for you....because we know best what your feeling and going though. We have been there.

I went back over all my posts. It was worth the time i spent. I can see that i was taking what i wanted and leaving the rest. Problem was i left the best parts. Pinkchip has been trying to get through to me from day one...giving great insight. Others also. I've all but ignored it. I had my own plan subconsciously. Stay with my wife no matter what and learn to live with the abuse. Really the same plan I've always had. It has not worked. It can never work. It's clear to me Right now and I don't want to forget it. Going to re-read my posts again. Going to find a meeting and really start on a plan that will save me even if it doesn't save her with me.

So glad you're taking care of yourself, dp. Your shares in this thread are going to help so many others out there, too.

If you're concerned about the details of getting to a meeting because of limited transportation, please call your local Al-Anon hotline - there's likely someone who'd be happy to give you a ride. Heck, even call the AA hotline. We're all family and I don't think I'd ever see a healthy AA member not doing something to help a fellow Al-Anon member.

We're all here for you - near and far - and there are hundreds of thousands of us. (hugs)