Sounds like one of those round and round we go talks we codependents get into with our As. What's the deal breaker for you? If you suspect he's drinking again, trust yourself. He probably is. Doesn't matter what he says. It matters what you are willing to accept or tolerate in your life. He may have slipped - he can get back up and use this slip for good for himself. He may slip again or totally relapse many times before he gets sober and stays sober. Can you live with that? If you don't know, you'll twist in the wind every time he drinks, misses a meeting, looks like he might drink, or you find a bottle. This is your life. You get to say what you can live with and what you need to say goodbye to. He's a man with a disease. He'll always have it. Even if he enters recovery in earnest, you can only count on One Day at a Time. Can you live with it? I was one who said, "no." But, there are many others who have been able to live with a sober or not sober person with alcoholism. Once you know what the deal breaker for you is and whether or not you are somebody who can live with the reality of a person with alcoholism, you may find that you don't feel confused or crappy anymore. Sending you lots of empathy and understanding...

I can sure sympathize with the worry.  But remember that if he is drinking again, you won't have to snoop -- he won't be able to keep it hidden, over the course of time.  And if he's not drinking, that will be clear too with time.  Whether or not there was a weird bottle in the garage, his recovery is bound to be unclear in the beginning because no one can predict the future.  Whether it takes hold or not, it will all be clear over time.  It is hard living in uncertainty, but that's how we all really live.  One day at a time.  "More will be revealed."  Remember that you will be okay no matter what.

I can so relate to this share. My AH has been going to daily meetings, but cant seem to go more than a few days w/o drinking. I hate how I am always watching, obsessing, yes even smelling him, being my usual sick self. I thought (hoped) he was doing better, but just tonight discovered he slipped on Friday last week. I suspected it, but didnt want to believe. Of course he has excuses all at the ready. Says the charge on the cc bill at the local liquor store on Friday was just for cigarettes. I said why go to a liquor store, wouldnt one of the many convenience stores in the neighrborhood have been a better choice? He said, actually the liquor store was most convenient. It was on his way to his meeting. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing. This disease is a beast. Now i am trying to decide how much more of this I can live with. Can I stick with him, hoping, that he will recover, knowing slips, relapses, full blown disease are all so possible, and even probable? I see my friends in happy marriages, doing 'normal' things together...and I wonder if I am ready to just say enough. He has no job, no money, no home except with me. You would think my decision would be so simple...but it is not. Calling on HP for support. You are not alone. Hugs

Thanks for all of the responses everyone. They all made me feel much better. I attempted to go to a F2F meeting last night, but once again it turned out to be an AA meeting, not an Al-Anon meeting. This is the 2nd time that has happened! :(

Anyway, after leaving the meeting and speaking to my ABF's mother (she and I have become very close), I decided that I will believe him when he says that he did not drink and that the empty bottle I found was there all along. He was asleep when I got home/off the phone last night, and my son was in the bed with him, so I decided to sleep on the couch. He came down around 3 AM b/c the dog woke him (which was weird since I had just let her out 2 minutes before that). He asked me to come up to bed with him, which I did. It felt nice to lay with him.

This morning I apologized to him. I said that I felt bad for accusing him, and that I believe him when he said he wasn't drinking. He said that he is really tired, and still getting used to all of the meds that they have him on from the recovery center. He also said that if he would have stopped for a bottle after work, he would have missed his bus and been home much later then 5:30 (which is true). He also said something about not wanting to screw up our relationship by drinking. I told him that I miss the old Stan (not the drunk Stan), the one who wanted to be with me and talk to me and hold hands, etc. He said that he is still trying to find himself, and figure things out. I guess it's just going to take some time / adjustments. I also reminded him of how good things were between us when we first met, and said that I would like to get back to that.

This afternoon he has his first IOP meeting. There are so many things I want to ask him, but don't want to pry and don't want to seem too pushy. I know that part of the IOP is group meetings (like he had in rehab), but I'm not sure if they include AA meetings or if he needs to go to those on his own. Either way, I know that he has to really want this for it to work.

Well I'm off to my busy day. Thank you all again for all of your continued support. I'm still trying to find a F2F meeting that fits into my schedule (that is actually an Al-Anon meeting...lol). Until I find one, I'll just stick with the online meetings.

One day at a time, that's what they say, right?
Have a great day everyone!
Frannie