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After months of trying to see our way through positive change. Which seemed to happen for about 5 months the disease reared its ugly head again. He threatened he was going to kill me (end me right there). I left with the girls on Sunday. I plan on moving further away. He blocked me from Facebook & hasn't tried to text me.
I'm can't tell you all the emotions I'm feeling. One thing for sure I'm exhausted.
IP
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
I remember feeling like I was in shock for a few days after such an "incident" -- and it wasn't until much later that I recognized what I had gone through as TRAUMA. Normally, people don't threaten to kill you. Just sayin. But, when I was with my A, I gradually put up with more and more abuse, and it wasn't uncommon for him to threaten violence...which of course, always worked to make me back down.
Now that I have been away from him for a while, I am seeing things differently, and realize how traumatic it was being with him.
So many emotions...I used to call it a "fear hangover" -- when there was a big blow out...the next few days I would be in a fog...
Think about what you would do for a friend who has just lost everything in a natural disaster...and treat yourself that way...be kind, and gentle, and loving with yourself as you heal, and know that for me, it's been nearly 3 years...and I feel like the wounds just now are healing...
Oh WOW .. I love that term "fear hangover". Sending you love and support, these kinds of situations are always very scary and difficult. I'm glad he's not contacting you. Please just take care of yourself and the kids.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Those threats are not good. I've been through them before. So glad you made the right choice for yourself and your children. You just never know what could happen in the heat of the moment.
Get rest, recover and take care of YOU.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I can relate very much. I left very bitter and angry and full of recrimination. That does take some time to go. I also left with a lot of loose ends. Give yourself time to tie those up. None of us is perfect. Few people leave and maintain no contact for ever. For some of us we have contact and tie up all the loose ends. For me the contact was limited. I never again lived with the ex A. I did however have a long period of mourning him, even missing him. I think its pretty hard to understand how you can miss someone who is so self destructive I certainly did. I missed the way his alcoholism/drug abuse swallowed up my entire life. Then I had to make decisions that were very hard to make.
I know we are all rooting for you. Threats are very difficult to deal with.
Hi there. It has been a week. I'm seeomg just how bad his control and malipulation was. The bullying etc. I'm moving to another city. I feel insane because I'm doing so much at once.
I'm trying to be strong. Keep things in perspective. I hate myself for breaking up my family. The girls are just contending with so much. I want the false sense of secure back even thou it's not a fulfilling relationship.
I plan to move in a week into another city I barely know for sake of my girls education. I'm trying to steady my health, my heart, my emotions and balance my children.
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
