The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is the day that my ABF comes home from rehab. His mother is picking him up around 11 am EDT, and I think they are going back to her house. I know he wants to come back here and live with me and my son...and I told him that he could, only if he stayed sober. I told him that my first priority is my son and myself, and that if he chooses to drink then he can't be here with us.
Anyway, I'm feeling so many feelings right now...excited, scared, nervous, hopeful, stressed, confused, etc. It's going to be a long day at work for me, waiting until I can leave and see him.
I'm trying not to have any expectations for when he gets here, and I know that what the future holds is out of my hands. All I can do is hope for the best, and hope he sticks to the after care plan that his recovery center set up for him.
I sent you some supportive slogans this am at your other post. It's good that you are noticing what you can live with and what you can't live with and planning on sticking with it.
Some of the tools that helped me alot during similar times was meetings, a sponsor, a phone number list of other members close by and literature. HP was and is always so I didn't and don't have to fret about that. "my only problem is me and my only solution is God"; a gem from a recovering sister. Keep contact with MIP. You don't have to go thru this alone. ((((hugs))))
Thanks everyone for all of the support and prayers. So far, so good. It feels so good to have him home. My son is especially happy right now. I'm feeling good, and I think my BF is too. He heard from his boss and has work tomorrow...which is both good and bad. I guess I'll just let go and let God, since it's out of my control. :)
Things feel a little weird today. My normally affectionate BF hasn't even touched me at all since he's been home. I felt really weird last night. He was on the couch watching TV when I came down from putting my son to sleep. I laid with him, but it just felt off. He fell asleep so I went to read a book. I woke him around 10:15 to ask him if he wanted to come up to bed or stay on the couch. He said he would come up, but I felt like I had to force him to lay next to me. :(
He heard from his boss yesterday and went to work today. I was feeling really good this morning, not nervous about him or anything. Then the whole day went by and I didn't hear anything, not a text or anything. He got home around 5:30 or so, and came in through the garage (as usual). Asked if he could borrow my car to go to a meeting at 7 and I said yes. Then I was out in the garage with my son, getting toys for him to play outside with, and found an empty water bottle that smelled like vodka. I feel terrible, but I accused him of drinking. He swears that the bottle was left over from weeks ago, but I don't recall seeing it in the garage at all in the past 3 weeks.
Now he is upstairs sleeping, skipped the meeting, and I don't know what to think. He swears that he didn't drink today, and I want to believe him. I just feel so shitty right now.
