The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AM hasn't said to me that she's an A but from a conversation my brother told me he heard (concerning my AM and her best friend who was up visiting us weeks ago) were having my AM told her best friend that people have told my AM that she is an A and
my AM acknowledges that she is an A, yet hasn't taken that second step in Step 1 and admitted she wants to change.. hopefully someone understood all of that! lol
so here is my question: how can I be supportive to my AM other than praying for her? I've mentioned open AA meetings only once because every time I mention that my family is here to suport her she gets very angry. Maybe I'm doing it too much....I can't stand to see people hurting I want to help them. How do I be supportive without smothering her? It's frustrating because there's times when she can be open and accepting of said support and other times she gets angry.
why does she refuse to discuss the elephants in the room? why is it so hard for her to admit she needs to get help at an AA meeting?/get help with her depression? she's doing better than what she was months ago but I feel like sometimes she is slowly drowning and won't let anyone help her. or maybe that's how I feel except I'm getting help by Al-Anon.
Today was a good day she didn't get to drunk, dinner was good which was a plus.
Thanks for listening...
Good for you in getting help in Al Anon. My sister also admits she drinks too much AND then goes to the fridge to get another beer. Awareness isn't always followed by the action we'd like to see happen. As far as being supportive of your Mom - well - if she hasn't asked you for help or ideas on how to stop drinking, that alone could bring about an angry reaction. I don't know many parents - whether they drink or not - who welcome their children's ideas on how they can improve themselves or change their ways or get help for their depression or alcoholism. Prayer for your Mom is a good thing and continued Al Anon for you may not get your Mom sober, but it will help you. You're not doing anything wrong in relationship to your Mom. She just doesn't seem to welcome your suggestions. So - once is enough. Anything more than that is our trying to impose our will on another person. (according to our CAL)
As hard as it is to do, keep the focus on your recovery and let mom do what she does. If you don't have a sponsor, find one; that will help you tremendously.
I have been affected by alcoholism, just like everyone here. I can be obsessed about the behaviour of others. I couldn't take my eyes off first my ex and then my son. This meant I didn't have to look at my life, my feelings and my shortcomings. I have learned throughalanon that its not that hard to look at myself. You can only change you. Maybe you are avoiding yourself through constantly looking and judging your mums life. Check your motives, ask yourself why you feel the need. Take care.x
