The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
2 years ago my AM was attacked by a man who was/is mentally ill. She dealt with PTSD for several months before seeking help with a PTSD therapist (to me there's nothing more disturbing than hearing your mom waking up scared because she's having flashbacks..it haunts me) and I'm so proud of her for doing this!
However to deal with all of this PTSD she began to drink moreso in the last two years than all the years she dealt with my AB using, does that make sense?
I've told her over and over how proud I am of her for dealing with her PTSD through a PTSD therapist only because our family insisted upon it (she talked about the attack every day for 6 months) and she agreed, which I was very surprised by. She isn't the kind of person to seek getting help by talking about her feelings.
I do wonder though why she was so open and accepting of the idea to see a PTSD therapist yet she adamently refuses to discuss her drinking/depression etc...does she not see that they're related. (at least in my viewpoint they are).
Has there been research done that links PTSD, drinking, and depression? Does anyone have any links they could share...maybe showing her the information may help her...is this a good idea?
Is it okay/normal to be supportive of someone who's gone through and dealt with PTSD but yet get frustrated when they won't deal with the bigger issue of their drinking?
Thanks for listening.
You sound like a lovely and concerned daughter but I am wondering how all this focus on your mom, the best treatment for her, her history, and being all up in her business improves your life? Alanon is about you, not her.
I think when you realize that you need help for yourself, peace will start to come to you. Your worry and obsessing about what your mom is or does is not healthy for you. I know I've done it for many years with my son.
When I finally took that first step: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. and truly understood what it meant, that's when my life finally started turning around. I started looking at me, my problems, my fears, my hurts.
I let go of his problems, fears and hurts because I found I didn't cause them, I can't control them and I can't cure them. He is the one......the only one that can.
I love him, I tell him I love him with all my heart. I will be there for him when HE decides to seek recovery. That's all I can do
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Having PTSD (I have that) and drinking or not drinking are somewhat similar. I don't get advanced notice when my PTSD rages about drinking I know ahead of time that I won't drink even in spite of the PTSD. Both require programs to diminish the affect of the disease and increase the ability to have a balanced more normal life. I don't drink because of my PTSD. That way I get to deal with it without the affects of a foreign chemical lessening my chances. I pray your mom starts finding solutions for herself. ((((hugs))))
Cathyinaz, Thank you for sharing your story about your son. I dealt with the same stuff with my brother years ago.
Jerry, thanks for the prayers for my mom.
pinkchip, true Al-Anon is for me and worrying about what my mom will or won't do won't help me but I find it difficult to sit back and watch her slowly kill herself with drinking...but I can see what you're saying...how I can only take care of myself and she has to make the choice to get help.
I know how hard it is to sit back and watch your mom kill herself. Let me tell you what I see watching my son. He's 35 years old. Has about enough money to keep a roof over his head for one more month. I'm sure his phone will be turned off soon for not paying his bill. I quit paying.... Now I won't know a thing about what his life is like soon. I pray I don't have someone coming to my door telling me he's dead. This is his last chance to get it right. But if this his choice I can go with it.
If you are enabling her in any way, if anyone is enabling her in any way I hear this is one area for the alcoholic to feel more hurt and pain that they just might seek help. I know you just kick her out on the street but leave her alone. Let her experience any pain when she's in withdrawal or hurt. Don't pick up the pieces, don't cover for her.....just tell her you love her and let go. Don't enable: don't do for her what she is capable/should be doing for herself.
What did your family do for your brother? Think back on what turned your bother around to seek help.
We are here for you so keep coming back and seek help for yourself
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
