The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just needed to write here on this board. It seems lately my childhood issues are popping up and I am feeling really sad and lonely. I notice that I use a couple of facebook groups to fill the void. I always feel like I am really supportive to others on the 2 groups that I am in but others really don't support me. My heart so wants to be connected to others and I always want to lift them up and make them happy. I do enjoy that. Sometimes I feel like it would be nice if they appreciated me as well. I feel invisible and ignored lately and I think the child part in me is crying out to be loved. I have a deep yearning for connection to others since I didn't get that growing up and I am very sensitive. I feel like I need to connect with my HP more but he/she/it feels very distant. I feel as if I have lost that connection and I am just reacting all of the time to life. I am a people pleaser and want everyone to like me and I now feel so invisible and erased. I feel like people use me to make them feel better ....and I am good at that but I often feel like no one remembers me. I have to take responsibility for why I am attracting this into my life. Apparently I attract friendships that are one sided and people like me around to make them feel better. But I am important too and I need to be acknowleged and seen. I know we are not supposed t have expectations but sometimes a nice connecting gesture from someone would be nice. I feel like I am not even noticed and it really hurts. I feel very alone right now and really need some support. Thank you beautiful people. I am so grateful for you all. xoxo
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
I am glad you posted and shared your deep feelings and pain. You are not alone as I too have felt that invisible feeling around friends and family. It happened mostly when I abandoned myself,in an effort to take care of others.
Alanon has given me the tools to take care of myself first and then reach out and support others. One of the big tools I use is validating myself. If I do not want to feel invisible it is my job to make myself visible and not wait for others to do it for me. I need to talk about my life, what I need, what I like where I am going etc. I also need to up my meetings and alanon calls I never feel invisible around alanon friends.
As far as being "Far" from HP I have felt that too. I read that even Mother Theresa has had her periods of spiritual dryness. She suggests that we should just keep praying, mediate, read our daily spiritual literature and the HP connection will return It did for me.
Ohhh that feeling of being invisible ... it is sooo hard to remember I need to validate myself.
I would suggest you do something and I do mean ANYTHING that makes you feel good and is healthy. When I do things that make me feel good about myself I'm filling my own emotional savings account. It can be very simple as getting a haircut to getting my nails done to standing and looking at myself, stating .. I am present and accounted for .. I AM somebody who matters.
I know this author isn't CAL lit however she is VERY wise about reminding me that I AM important and I DO matter. Louise Hayes is her name and she does all kinds of affirmation books. I'm sure you can find her online as well.
YOU are important .. it won't matter what anyone else says until YOU believe it.
Keep coming back, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I have periods, too, where I feel invisible to others...kind of used up. It is then that I am reminded to do something for me. Today I bought me some flowers for Mother's Day; if I don't expect them from others, I won't be disappointed. I, too, love Louise Hay's work. You can listen to programs on hayhouseradio.com through your computer. big kiss on the way to you
Daisy, you are not alone in these feelings. I have felt very used up lately - and HAVE been - for years. By family and others. But I know what I have to do for myself - it has to do with a habit - so I keep trying to stop the habit. Once that's done I new to show up for meetings more and GIVE. That is how I was taught the hole will be filled.
When I do for God I feel His love back.
It's just time for a new phase of development, that's all.
I know I too had a long talk with myself about "best friends" and friends in general and how I really miss being able to talk to the AH because he used to fill the role of best friend. It hit me that my HP really would like to be my best friend and why am I not letting Him/Her/It fulfill me in that role? Hmmmmm, why not? Now I just talk to my HP the same way that I would talk to a best friend. It works. Makes me feel very close to Him/ Her. And it does have to be a habit to talk to HP first about anything.
Mahalo Nui!! Daisy...Thank You sooooo much for this post and for the responses that it received because it is the responses that you received that showed me I was wrong when I "thought" I was being abandoned and ignored...I was begging for "more" attention than others knew I wanted and then like the others who have responded have shared...it was that part that I had to fulfill in my life...the self love. I know what it is like to suddenly come face to face with the "childhood issues" that were not addressed when I was a child or even mentioned by me or mentioned by me and then diminished by others...those are the issues I had to come to grips with and find solution and often times the solutions were about giving mercy and grace to the others I held resentments toward..."They did the best they could with what they had" is what I learned to think and say and while there were times I didn't want to say that in the end the one person who gained the most from practicing that part of the program "acceptance"...was me. I gave grace and mercy and got it right back...just imagine..."you get what you give". I know that you are loved unconditionally here and I for one am glad you are here and grateful for your participation and support. You care. I continue to care because of caring people. Mahalo. ((((hugs))))
I too identify with that feeling of being 'invisible and ignored' - it has plagued much of my life but also explains why I always sought out 'unhealthy people and relationships'. It has taken much work in Al-Anon to uncover the reality that I lacked self-love, I really did not believe that I had the right to put myself and my feelings first, I have started to learn that important lesson and that I can choose a different path.
I am starting to acknowledge the difference between 'solitude' and 'loneliness' and that it is only by being accepting and loving myself can I really give and receive healthy love from others unconditionally, it takes courage and of course I still have periods where my connection with my HP and others falters. Then I know I really need a meeting and that I can feel validated.
Just listening to others reminds me I am far from alone, as my sponsor always reminds me "Love and Service' are the key to recovery, sometimes I just need to "let go' of all that holds me back, it is just too easy to live my life blaming others when I feel isolated, baby steps but, I just need to remember that GOD also means 'Good Orderly Direction'
Thank you everyone for your es and h. It really helped. I really need to be my own best friend and validate myself. I am going to stay really close to my program and keep coming here.
__________________
It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
