The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I tried a new meeting this afternoon, and arrived late due to trouble finding the building. They'd already finished the reading and started sharing. I tried to signal to the woman running the meeting to please pass me the daily reader they were using, but she wouldn't. Which would have been fine, if they just don't want people reading during shares I get that... until another woman (who seemed to know her) came in late, and she passed *her* the book. After the other woman finished reading it, I tried again to signal to the woman running the meeting to please pass the book, and she turned to me and snapped "the topic is compassion and it's your turn".
I stammered out some quick little share and passed as quickly as possible, after which someone sitting across from the woman running the meeting finally reached across the table, took the book from in front of her, and slid it down the table to me. (SO grateful to her... at that point I was about ready to leave in tears.)
I don't know what kind of sick game I walked in on today, but it's not the Al-Anon I've come to love. Very disappointed that of the very few meetings that fit with my current work schedule, two of them are this group. I keep trying to think of some nicer explanation for what happened... that she didn't see me trying to ask for the book or something... but the way she finally snapped at me like she was annoyed, she must have seen me or there wouldn't have been anything for her to be annoyed about...
Al-Anon has always been a place where I've felt safe and accepted, and to have something like that happen (and on a day when I *really* needed a good meeting) has caught me totally off-guard and has thrown me off way more than it should... I keep running it through my head over and over "Was it because I'm not part of her circle of friends? Was it because my appearance makes it rather obvious that I'm gay? Was I being too irritating trying to signal her to pass me the book? Am I somehow misinterpreting the situation?"
"We're not perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you." If her intention really was something nasty, I need to remember that she has her own issues to struggle with too... that's why we're all in program, I can't expect perfection from her any more than I can expect it from myself.
I need to let this go, WHATEVER it was, and just find a different meeting... Maybe that's the lesson in this. I don't need to analyze it to death and figure out exactly what happened, I just need to shake it off and keep moving forward...
-- Edited by atheos on Thursday 9th of May 2013 02:31:41 PM
Thankfully, in general, al anon meetings are pleasant and the people are inviting. You found an irpy person today..their loss for not getting to know you
Hugs Atheos .. whatever happened take the lesson you need and roll with it. Sometimes things are just what they are .. there is no corkscrew in the straight line. It's a straight line.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It's like my grandmother used to say regarding churches: "You'll never find one that's perfect as long as there are people in it." Having said that, I can understand your upset, but good for you for filtering that experience through your program!
I experienced a similar shock last week. My awesome home group (a step study group) meets Saturday mornings. I started grad school in January, and classes meet on Saturdays, creating a conflict. I started looking for a weeknight meeting and found one nearby. I was welcomed warmly on the night I visited, but I had to consciously keep my jaw from hitting the floor as I proceeded to sit through a solid hour of crosstalk! One member even actively solicited advice in their share, and the others present were more than happy to give it!
Fortunately I found another group that sticks much more closely to the Traditions & Concepts, and it seems to be populated by people working some strong programs. One of the most valuable lessons Al-Anon teaches is that we always have the option to vote with our feet. I do not have to subject myself to anything that is detrimental to my recovery.
Took me a few different meetings to find the one I am most confortable with. I am so blessed that I reside in an area that have multiple meetings, all day long and every day. Congrats to you for letting this be a building step and not analize it over and over .....you hit a clunker, and there are other meetings.
God if there wasn't something I needed in the program it was to stay in my "comfort zone". Dysfunction in meetings has always been a lesson to me and reminds me of what I was told early on in recovery. "There are no sane and well put together people who come from the disease of alcoholism". I learned patience, forgiveness, openmindedness, self reflection, tolerance and more. There are no perfect people in church....Yay verily!! Amen to that one. Our local meetings stick to the traditions because the program is most valuable to our lives. ((((hugs))))
