The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow, no one knows the future. Maybe it will and maybe not.
If it does work out, what will you do about YOUR life? If it doesn't work out, well maybe you could still do with YOUR life exactly the same thing. You are only in control of you and watching out for your 3 beautiful girls who are the only true victims in this scenario. I have 4 daughters. Raise them with truth and honesty about everything or they will be so terribly confused when what they see doesn't match with what they are told.
We can go all night wondering; when I catch myself wondering, worrying....I either "click" the switch in my brain to prayer for my spouse/family, meditation, stepwork journal or do something worthwile with the babies, like enjoy soccer at a nearby park, ice cream, or read a book. We have to live our lives and Al-Anon program teaches us how to deal with life and living it at it's best with clarity among the fog.
Lou...welcome to the board and I'm sad with you about the situation. Been there and done some of that also and then I found Al-Anon and got my mind, body, spirit and emotions fixed. One of the suggestions is to get a sponsor to help me work the program/steps and I had some miraculous ones. One of my sponsors helped me a ton on the worrying part of the disease and when I would "what if" he would bring me back into reality with "what if not". He taught me that if I wanted to be in and stay in balance for every time I would fixate on the "what ifs" I would have to do a "what if not" and like its already been said...I can't tell the future and need to stay in balance regardless. It takes a load off to practice that. Look up the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and call to see where and when we get together and then come find your chair.
I was so afraid to be on my own. Not saying that will happen to you...but the anticipation, the not knowing if it will be okay or turn into another s**t show...and trying to stay even and reasonable for the kids' sake...
Not an easy road to travel..but you CAN do it..even given the worst case scenario...you will figure it out...one step at a time..
I was PETRIFIED. But now, things are pretty okay. Except for the occasional barrage of insults from my exA.
I have no idea how it feels to walk in your shoes right now. What I can tell you is you are in the right place and welcome home with Al-anon.
What I can tell you is being the parent of a son who went to rehab for both drugs and alcohol I was relieved not to get those calls in the middle of the night while he was there. I was concerned, happy, excited, terrified, thrilled, scared basically a number of emotions took place during his stay. Mostly I didn't know what to say when he got home. I do know weekly meetings were on his list of things to do, once out.
All I could do is exactly what the serenity prayer suggested...change what I could change. Clearly I couldn't get him clean or sober, however; what I could do was get myself some healthy thinking so I could seperate myself from having the highs and lows that I had been having always wondering what was going on with HIS soberity.
Jerry posted a wonderful post in response to your post. I found his words to be true in my life.
I never thought I could make it on my own with my kids either at first, but I did by putting one foot in front of the other and with al-anon, my sponsor and the steps I have grown so much I don't even question why or how anymore. So glad you found us and keep coming back to MIP. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
