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Please give me my high power back I had him for one day to get me by and it seams now I'm walking down a empty path . This morning a back rub leads to yada yada . When ah sober no I don't want to.. He is selfish and thinks of his needs. Just when he said he change work on the controlling behaviors and god if you could see them you would no why I'm twisted .. He washes the cloths now makes the beds cleans the house all nice and dandy but there's a catch!!! He looks under car seats he looks in closets he looks in my bags again!!! He lifts mattress up because that's where I use to hide my notes . I told my ah sober5 months he had a week to change these contolling habits since he told me he new he was doing it on purpose !! I go to al Alon tonight again I get phone calls from my youngest crying for me to come home she does not like her dad. How can I get a break . I get a upset when she texts me crying , so al Alon is over , I go straight home change my cloths and sit with him ah for a hour then go to my room.. This is my boundary to get better to get away from him . And he can't respect that . It 1.36 am and he keeps comming up stairs asking me what I'm doing ! Why can't I sleep with him , he leaves comes back up sneaking up the stairs to listen at the door . Comes back in and says its time for bed . Your up to late you need your sleep. Who you talking to on your phone! S**** goes on and on.. I'm done !!!! I can't stand this behavior he won't listen and let me be.. Every day there something I have to deal with. I'm at my breaking point. He needs to go I given my all and now sacrifice my own well being for his FINE AA attitude , I'm tired of these late night questions . I can't support him no more
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 7th of May 2013 07:05:41 AM
Your life won't change unless you change the way YOU are in it. Do whatever it takes to get to al anon meetings and get a sponsor. If not, this is the life you will have, and, most likely worse as time goes on. I wish you the best.
I am I'm trying I want this to work.. I'm seeking help but my crap keeps getting deleted today he is very mad at me , I stay far away to advoid the fight. I can only help myself if I am giving that chance.. His behavior past day has been a drinking behavior . He banging and name calling . I no it's because I won't give in to him . He wants me to battle it out. I choose to sleep upstairs so I can work on my program at home . He does not like that , he wants me in the bedroom with him when time for bed. I'm not ready for that , I set these boundary that I sleep up stairs till I'm ready to work on us. He pushing me into things I'm not willing to accept right now , and that's controll . He wants me to go to bed when he thinks . If I'm upstairs reading in my room he get pissed.. And he will wake the whole house up. I'm in a stuck situation right now. I'm trying to make due to get by . I wish he would just leave.
My ex would browse the numbers on my phone then blast me with names he found that he didn't recognize like it was proof I was cheating on him. He rummaged in my car and found a toothbrush I kept there, asked me about it accusingly, I just shrugged and said "because I want a toothbrush in my car"; I didn't know then that he was thinking I had it there so I could brush my teeth between boyfriends. But he was a cheater and I guess expected that everyone else cheats too. He accused me of having several boyfriends until I started telling him I wouldn't talk to him anymore if he was going to call me a whore. "I didn't call you that" he would claim; I would reply that it was calling me a whore if he thinks I am sleeping around that much. By then it was too late because I'd found Al-anon and started to see that nothing was going to change unless "I" changed it.
The thing I think of when I read your posts about how crazy making his behavior is, how controlling and over your boundaries he continually steps is - you know the boundaries you want, what you have to do is decide on the consequences for overstepping them and follow through - that's the hardest part - the follow through. The follow-through isn't fun, its sometimes means making someone leave, sometimes it means we leave, sometimes it means I pull the bus over until the behavior stops! ya know, kids on bus open windows, fingers/hands/heads out the window - boundary = nothing out the window; boundary broken, consequence = close the window; follow-through = I pull the bus over and wait until the window is closed. My responsibility to protect my boundaries.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Ms Co-dependant, try and think ahead, I mean can you keep Alanon a secret from him? Can you get a hold of the daily readers? They are online. You said that you are making do right now, is that because your not ready to leave or is it not possible for you?
I think yu have recieved great suggestions. I would like to suggest that you divfde the houshold chores so that you are both responsible for certain chores and responsilities. That way he will not have all the control becasue he took all the responsibility.
I feel it is important to your well being to contriubute in this way to your home and to ttend alanon face to face meetings.
I can hear in your writing how much you want all this to work. I read your post this afternoon and all I have been thinking since then is "the one who wants it the least is the one with the most power." Sounds opposite, doesn't it? But that is how I finally had to work detachment. I wanted the old life back, I wanted a good life without booze and control and crazymaking. I wanted me. I wanted him. I wanted the kids to all be happy. But as long as I continued to care too much I was a prisoner to my own mind.
He is being who we call "King Baby". A demanding 2 yr. old. Only he is not 2 yrs. old. He is being a bully. Be real careful that he doesn't go over the line and start into physical abuse. Alcoholics don't like boundaries. They don't like responsibility. They don't like being a grownup.
And just because he hasn't had a drink doesn't make him sober. There is a thing we call a dry drunk. The bad behaviors are there without the booze.
If your child is old enough you can take her/him to AlAnon and let them sit in the hallway or in a corner of the room with a good book or homework. I wouldn't leave my daughter home with her dad EVER.
