The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welcome, Halo. Glad to hear that you are attending meetings, reading literature, and have joined MIP. As far as the now what - well, I guess I'm wondering what you're meaning? Are you wanting ideas on how to spend the extra time you have on your hands now that you're no longer focused on him or more information on recovery?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 6th of May 2013 09:17:05 PM
I never thought I would find myself here. But alas I am sure none of us did.
My AH is in Rehab for 22 days, both of our first times dealing with this, and I am almost not sure what to do with myself?!
I work full time, have a great career, finances are all caught up (now), the house is spotless. I have written him letters but decided they were to negative to send, running out of things to do! I never realized how time consuming the AH was, I spent so much time fighting or avoiding him, now...?
I have joined this board and gone to a meeting a day for the last two days and read a book. Now what?
I would like to add this board has been WAY better than the meetings- I really thought my AH was unlike any other until I read all the stories on here! Thank you all for sharing!
Great awareness as to how much time you have spent swirling around your AH... I can relate. In time, the voids will fill in, hopefully, with some wonderful new growth for you. Enjoy your time and keep coming back!
Welcome Halo and thanks for the post. You're a willing person and I need that example to keep me on the right track. Your post is similar to my first experience with the programs...Alcoholic/Addict wife stopped drinking and using...got into AA and got a sponsor and started working the program. I went to a few Al-Anon meetings and blew the program off and went to a couple of AA meetings and blew them off also. I wasn't ready for my spouse to be cured by anyone other than me and so like I was to find out later; she came to the one person she could rely on with her concerns about whether she was or wasn't alcoholic...Me...and so I blew that off and told her she wasn't and she quit the program and went back out again. Whatever was left of our marriage and home and hope for the future was done in a flash. The family, friend and associates of the alcoholic and addicts need as much information as they can get about the disease or without even thinking about it will blow any form of recovery up in pieces. Keep reading. Keep going to meetings and Keep your mind wide open when sitting there listening. Remind yourself that for now you know little to nothing about this fatal disease that kills often and often times kills people who do not drink at all and which is older than the birth of the Christ by thousands of years. Learn as much as you can to protect yourself from falling victim to it again and so often. Keep coming back!! (((((hugs)))))
G2b- Yes, this may sound ummm.... well I don't want to live in a Alanon bubble, and I know it is equally important for me to seek help but luckly for me detachment with love came easy for me but there was still a lot of me avoiding causing me to lose time. Now no one walks in on me in the shower three times, no one grabs my computer from me, no one sits on me fro no reason while watching tv.... It sounds so silly but I really do not know what to do with the time! I am starting to enjoy it he has been gone for two days, but still feel a little lost!
Well I was doing great! I watched movies in peace with out drunk interruption, made wonderful dinners for myself, did some work from home (AH hates this). But then I went to pay bills and saw the my wonderful husband had joined a "site for adult hookups" on 2/14- I could just..... Today is the first day to speak with each other since he checked in. He has not called; good!!! Rejection maybe his protection. I was going to be sweet and positive,now I am think stbxah is more like it.
The thing I like about Alanon is the fact it gave me permission not to make a decision while I was under emotional stress and it IS stressful to find out unpleasant information. I would encourage you to just feel your emotions and not do anything with them. I'm very sorry that you are in pain at the moment and it's frustrating .. trust me I know .. I found my STBAX on match.com, found out he was having an affair with a coworker .. it's a lot to take in .. so please take care of you.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
We made contact for the first time today- It was short and sweet.
He was VERY raw, very apologetic, and very greatful I was still around. NO knee jerk reaction to me bringing up my new found information. A conference call with him and his leader tomorrow ans a visit on Saturday.
Have you read the book getting them sober vol 2?? I would highly recommend reading that book it has a LOT of good information about what to expect, it also recommends attending face to face alanon meetings. Not all meetings are the same. The program works if you work it .. there is no doubt about that.
Keep coming back, hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
