The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i'm new(ish) here and could really use some support. my (sober) alcoholic met my parents for the first time this weekend, and in two conversations casually let slip that she's planning/considering moving out of state. this was news to me, and something that is happening because i told her i wasn't going to pay her rent anymore (she's been underemployed or just unemployed for the past 6 months, always promising how something is just right around the corner while she doesn't put much effort in to getting something) and because i told her she couldn't move in with me, either. i feel like i'm being so mean to her and *should* just 'help her out' , and that she is basically threatening leaving, and probably ending our relationship by default, unless i take care of her problems. i'm really struggling and could use some fresh perspectives.
Planning and considering moving is something I do when I'm not sure of how to deal with something that is creating pressure for me because I'm being challenged to try a new behavior. Respecting someone's ability to take care of themselves and waiting for them to step up to the plate of their own life or not isn't being mean. It's expecting an adult to be an adult if they choose to do that. Maybe this is your opportunity to figure out if you want a parent-child relationship or an adult-adult relationship?
If you and your sober alcoholic are not working programs in AA (her) and al anon (you) this is a snippet of what your life will be like....and worse as time goes on. You are not being mean and you can help her out if this is the life you would like to live. I wish you the best..it is difficult and takes courage to say NO MORE.
