The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello again, everyone! I want to thank you for your warm welcomes! I have found some Al-Anon meeting places, and plan to attend my first one Friday afternoon! I am looking forward to it very much. In the mean time, my counselor gave me some workbooks on codependency for me to work through. I got to a section about healthy boundaries, and learning how to say "no". I have been working on that this week, and it has been hard. I never want to disappoint anyone, and I feel like the only way I can keep from doing that is by saying yes to everything. It's worse with my husband. I find myself not wanting to hurt his feelings while not even taking mine into consideration, not wanting to somehow make things worse, and I feel like the only way to do this is to give into his requests. I guess that is enabling. I have been practicing the boundaries that my counselor help me set, and I have been pretty strict with them so far. My husband does not like this, and he hasn't spoken to me in two days, but I feel that this is healthy. I know that he is going to have to start taking responsibility for his own life, and I mine. I'm pretty sure I'm on the right track! Hugs and love to everyone!
Yes, you are on the right track. The healthier you get, the better each day can be. As Paula said, "Keep coming back!". One thing I learned when I started setting boundaries or changing how I responded to my AH was that he didn't like it. He went into a mode which my therapist calls 'change back'. It's pretty normal for someone to not like change, not just alcoholics but it's important for all of us to remember that we are on our own paths and that they are on their own as well. Hugs to you!
Hugs and love to everyone!