The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For last 3 days I have been feeling rather drained to the very last drop of energy. I am so tired I could cry at any given moment if I see a suitable shoulder. I have short focus span and I am acting out on my addictions or feel very prone to do so. I've spent whole afternoon in lovely company of my friends, yet I feel lonely. I ate lots of good food yet I crave sugar sugar sugar sugar. I look around me and my quiet lovely flat, but I want to get out there and dissapear into crowds where I dont have to 'feel me'. I also had at least bottle of wine each day.. neatly disquised by 'hanging out with friends' but deep inside I know if I was on my own I would do so anyway. And I get busy with thoughts on my ex, making me feel more sad, unwanted, victim, unloved... So not the best time of the week for me. Oh, and I have strong urge to smoke, despite the fact I gave up nicotine several years ago.
I just told my friend from fellowship how I feel and he suggested I look into Emotional Hangover. So I just did and it makes sense... He said so since 3 days ago my mum and my auntie left the city after visiting me and staying with me for 8 days. This vist is a topic on its own, since it was the very first time my mother flew in order to see how my life looks like in 14 years. She never saw country I live in, city I live in, work place I go to 5 years now, never met my friends... It was the first time I showed her more of me than ever before. So it was very busy time, hectic, laughter moments mixed with arguments but most of all, I dont think I had 1 single moment just for myself. After planning, organizing trips, translating and walking kilometers and kilometers every day I dropped into bed at night not once writing my thoughts, not once checking in with my HP, not once meditating.
I realize now I need a brake or I will do something stupid. And some self- care is needed too! Some self-love as well. And some tea instead of wine. And I would apreciate reading about your experiences with emotional hangovers and how to handle them the best if you find time. Thank you x
It was difficult at first... when I came home from work few hours ago I immidiately wanted to get distracted from the HP talk, from fellowship 'work'.. by watching TV, daydreaming, looking up my ex online, wanting to pour a glass of fresh cold wine and do nothing..... NOPE! I made myself sit down and read! Cause I am getting better at feeling my feelings and I can know that i am just trying to avoid them at all cost for 4 days now.
I looked up literature on Codependency, Love addiction, Fear of intimacy and read my old notes on how I described my own HP. About 30 minutes worth my time. And you know what? I felt immidiately better. I feel better. Its almost like talking to HP with direct line.
I can sense the sadness emotion clearly and let it be here with me. But my friend is coming over in a bit with a hug :) Its a good day.
