The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank You for your honesty and clarity. I too have had many a powerful argument with my HP . In fact when I arrived at the doors of alanon - I was NOT talking to HIM.
My sponsor suggested that I use the rooms of alanon and working the 12 Steps as my Higher Power, until I could decided on another. Indeed they were much stronger than I and offered me a solution to my horrible problems.
Today I have a different HP who truly understands when I become angry and fight. He never leaves me but at times I have left HIM
Just keep sharing and coming back You are not alone
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 5th of May 2013 08:17:04 AM
This step is so hard for me today. Over the past 45 years there has been so much pain in my life. So many truly horrific things. I was molested as a child, raped as a teen, I lost a child in my early 20's, married a bipolar addict and during my life with him have been homeless abandoned and abused. My second child has had 3open heart surgeries and now struggles with addiction to opiate pain killers. This morning I want to scream at my HP...WTF!! I am so tired of learning lessons. I am so tired of his/her plan for me. I am so tired if accepting and trusting. I know that is when things don't work for me. When I am fighting, trying to wrestle control away from my HP but I am having a REALLY hard time turning it all over. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ,
Thank you Betty for reminding me that is ok to rant and rave at my HP. They will still be there for me when I do. I just wish that I did not have so many lessons to learn and that my life could be easier for a time. I use to say that my higher power starts by whispering in my ear but I usually ignore that. Then they try nudging me softly, which I often ignore. Then they will give me a kick which if I am praying, I get but sometimes, I need to be kicked down a flight of stairs to get the message. I have not been praying. I have not been writing. I have not been listening and apparently,it is time for brother lesson. I need to trust that what I am going through will teach me another very valuable lesson and I have to pray that I understand it soon.