The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After working the Steps of Alanon, using the alanon tools of prayer, meetings etc., I have found that deep within, I now have a sense of peace and serenity. Before this I had an empty painful "Hole" deep down.
That does not mean I do not feel my feeling---- Cry, have a sadness, anger etc. It means that deep down I know HP is in control , that I am not alone and that I will be OK.
Just my experience on the subject
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 4th of May 2013 07:18:13 AM
This may sound like a silly ?, can I be sad and maybe even tearful and not be in serenity? An alanon member tpld me that if I'm tearful that mean I'm hurting and in pain and not feeling peace and serenity.
Gettingitright!!
__________________
Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
Not a silly question at all. There are so many layers to grief. I find that serenity is a process that arrives quietly and ebbs and flows. I remember waiting for it to come for the first time, wondering if it would ever happen. Finally, one day, I noticed I was feeling peaceful for about an hour, then grief, then peaceful for a few hours,... you get the idea. Now I have large blocks of time when I feel I'm getting it right, but not perfect - I have to guard it and work on it to keep it when life starts stepping in. It helps me to work the steps with a sponsor when I'm feeling especially stuck. Keep coming back.
I think feeling your pain and tears can be part of serenity. For me when I allow myself to feel pain and just go with it then I am still serene. I think before when I felt pain and tears came I would feel I needed someone to blame then I needed to change something in order to not feel pain and on and on, this is pain outside serenity. Serenity = acceptance so if your feeling your pain, you are accepting it and allowing it calmly, quietly then you are still serene. Also, this pain leads to better understanding of oneself and acceptance of life.x
As LC said, for me serenity came with acceptance. It ebbs and flows as others have said but I do feel so much more at peace than ever before. It's when I look at the chaos being swirled up around me and yet I find that I can breathe and just watch it, I don't have to participate in it. That is what serenity is for me. It's being able to step aside, see things for what they really are, and accept my choices and my A's choices for what they are. It's letting go of expectations(sometimes, LOL, I'm still working on this one), and realizing that just being grateful for another day is truly a blessing. I find my peace and serenity just knowing that I can turn things over to God(my HP).
This is interesting. I can tell you what peace and serenity means to me and my recovery. Take what you'd like and leave the rest.
Peace and serenity is what I am feeling when I truly detach myself from all situations I cannot control. The feeling of release I experience when I know I am living my life the best I can with what I have been given.
Sometimes, that means crying. If I am feeling hurt, lonely, angry, anxious, it is not very serene of me to be holding those feelings in. It is best they be released in some fashion and crying is always what works for me. Then I am able to think more clearly, put my problem in perspective, count my blessings and feel serene.
HF: to me crying is a release & sometimes I cry when I feel a sense of wellness. I guess I just need to let something go & then I feel better. I have been known to cry especially when I am tired & usually that is when I grieve the loss of my dad. But, even crying to me can show serenity because I feel that wellness that I am talking about. I hope this makes sense. Kathleen
Thank you all for your responses that helped a lot. I'm aware that I lose my serenity when I try to fix things and get into my A's business and when I allow myself to worry and obsess about the the pain and emotional/physical neglect my grandkids have to go through with their A/A mothor's behavior.
I'm working hard at using al-anon tools. Right now "let go let God" is a biggie, I'm going to keep working at it.
Gettingitright!!
__________________
Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
Like has been said I am Serene when I am accepting and detaching from chaos. I can still have feelings, they come and go - I can laugh and cry, scream and cheer, but that is just part of my humanity, it has taken me a long time to realise that having feelings is part of my humanity, I was far less serene when I tried to bottle up those feelings, that was the essence of my disease!
It isn't easy but even when feeling low I can maintain my serenity as long as I detach from the disease of Alcoholism and mind my own business
Just my ESH... when I am being tearful- it means I am growing emotionally. Sometimes I get tearful when I am happy, and grateful...