The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 34 year old alcoholic stepson has recently moved in to live with my husband of 20 years and myself. Although he showed huge promise as a youth, alcohol has robbed him of everything. He has no education, no skills, no friends, no family (divorced), no job, no drivers' license, no possessions other than a few clothes. He has been hospitalized five times in the last two years for alcohol-related illnesses. My husband has supported him for the past six years or so.
When he is with us he is sober because he is under 24 hour supervision and has no access to alcohol. We live in a rural area - so literally - no access. He has not been in treatment, nor does he attend AA. My husband has declared him cured. My husband, whom I love, is an enabler of the highest order to this young man, his only son. I am resentful, isolated, and feel that my marriage is in danger if I express my feelings in any way. I would not be able to attend al-anon meetings for this same reason.
I'm so sorry to see this happening to you and your family. I'm also sorry to say that I'm not very sure your stepson is cured as your husband states. I think your husband is in denial.
I want to wish you a warm Welcome here to MIP......you are not alone.
Please come back and let us help...
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you for welcoming me to this forum. I am looking forward to receiving all possible advice and good old-fashioned commiseration! That word is a great one - denotes co-misery, or, as I understand one role of Al-anon to be, to be able to relate to one in the same circumstance.
I do so understand and would like to assure you that you are not alone. Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive disease that affects everyone who comes in contact with it I am so sorry that your stepson is so ill. Just as the alcoholic needs a support group such as AA ,we who have lived or live with the disease also need support and a group. Alanon is a fellowship of people who understand as few others can. We accept that we are powerless over alcohol and the alcoholic and learn new ways to respond to situations that use to cause us to REACT.
If you cannot attend face to face meetings please try our on line meetings the schedule is as follows
Morning Meetings
Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST
Sat. - Sun at 10am EST
Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.
Night Meetings
Mon-Saturday 9PM eastern time
Sunday 7PM eastern time
Each Thursday night at 9PM EST, we will be having a Step/Tradition Meeting to help new people get to know and understand how to work the 12 steps. After going through one Step per week, and getting through
Thank you! The on-line meetings will be difficult for me, because of time difference - I wouldn't have privacy at 7:00(our time) in the morning. I will certainly try for the Thursday introductory meetings though.
saddens me. I can only imagine how it is to deal with your step son of 34 years old with this. My prayers are with you.
I too am a stepmom I lost my 19 year old step son 2 years ago, he was killed He was on the road to a lifetime of drug abuse
It was hard for me. I saw his bad decisions. I had no influence on his life once he turned 14 or so. His dad (addict) was his best friend and his mom was his enabler. I was stuck, because I was the bad guy for wanting better for him, for wanting to push him.
My greatest fear happened. Death.
Alanon is so helpful. Go for yourself. Maybe you husband will join you at a meeting.
If you feel that your marriage is in danger if you express your feelings in any way, that is a separate and I would venture bigger problem than your stepson. I gather that this means that you dare not go to an Al-Anon meeting or even attend one online because your husband would put your marriage in danger? I hope he does not have tendencies to violence -- if that is the case that could be an emergency state of affairs.
There are ways to get recovery for yourself (which is all we can do anyway, as I'm sure you've seen -- affect ourselves). But if you are not allowed to change and have to hide who you are, that is necessarily going to be limiting. And that would be a very tough situation. But as the saying is, "All will be revealed." One step at a time. You can read through all the threads here whenever you get to the site, and maybe get to some online meetings if there are any at the right times for you. That will start to be a good foundation for moving into the future. Sadly, alcoholics with no recovery program face almost insurmountable obstacles in staying sober. (If they could stay sober on their own, they wouldn't be alcoholics.) So your stepson's future will become clear with time -- I hope for the good, of course, but if not, it will be clear. And your husband's determination to think that everything has been solved will be challenged, I fear. Having Al-Anon tools to deal with those situations will help you a lot. I hope you'll keep coming back.
Aloha Penny...I learned it would take a Higher Power and a whole lot of courage to be able to change the things that needed changing in my life. You can go on line and learn alot about Al-Anon and Al-Anon in your area. You can even google Al-Anon and then add the area or state you are in and hit enter and that will get you tons of information which will lead to much help. You don't have to go thru this alone. Welcome to MIP...((((hugs))))
saddens me. I can only imagine how it is to deal with your step son of 34 years old with this. My prayers are with you.