The material presented
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I hope it is okay to post this here. I am struggling in alanon with a person I really do not click with. She is a long timer and everyone looks up to her. I live in a small area so I can't just switch meetings. I feel like I have tried everything to be able to be her friend. I have asked God, I have really been receptive to trying to be friends with her. It seems like no one else has any issue with her but they seem to just let her be the boss and I guess that bothers me because we are supposed to be equals. How do I get around feeling insecure around her? When I talk it is like she doesn't understand anything I said...it is a replay from my childhood. I know I need to work on "my stuff". I guess the thing that is hard is that after meetings and lunches us alanons have everyone hugs. I really don't want to hug her. What do you do if you have been in this situation or what would you do? I guess I don't feel like I should hug her if I don't want to but she always just tried to make me anyways and it would be rude for me to push her hug away....I guess her hug feels really ingenuine and cold. I sense no warmness from this lady. Does this make sense? She is a very bold person and really rough with her words and she thinks she is always right. We just don't click I guess. Any ideas? If I pull away from her then it may be awkward. I just need support in this because it has been going on for a while. Thanks and sorry for the rambling...
willowtree , I do understand When I first entered alanon , many years ago I too encountered people such as you described. I almost walked away at that moment but a very small sane voice within whispered :d:"Stop, you need this program, you did not come here for friends or as a social, you came to recover and learn how to live life on spiritual principles" That helped me to remain in the program and also gave me permission to not "Like" everyone. The alanon closing in my area states:"You may not like all of us but you will come to love us in a special way the same way we already love you. Talk to each other , reason things out and let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. This helped me to learn to treat everyone with courtesy and respect and to connect with those in the rooms that I felt a connection with. Keep coming back It will improve as you continue to learn to focus on yourself.
I undertstand what your saying, and yes I have felt that way too, and there are ways around it, I was not confortable giving hugs or being hugged so I left early, I alos felt very intimidated in my early days in alanon because I felt certain people took over, it was a while before I realised there are an awful lot of sick people in alanon, yep and I was one of them, lol, so I strted to look into myself and ask myself why this body or that body bothered me, and I found similarities within myself which I began to work on, I actually came full circle with one particular person and gleaned alot of esh from her in the end. I learnt it is ok not to like everyone and it's perfectly ok not gel with some people, good luck with this, you can use it as a learning curve.
I had a really hard time when I first walked into al-anon there was a man in the meeting i didn't care for and knew from our small community, I not only learned in time to put principles above personalities but in time I even grew to like his ESH and even his hugs. Keep giving it a try and you will grow through it too. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
You're not alone- I've felt this way, as well. You've received great responses. In addition, I'm here for me- I realized and continued to remind myself that the benefits of support and working the Alanon principles were more important than the (temporary) discomfort. Attending the online meetings is always an option, as well. Keep coming back- you're worth it!
I also had that happen. I started praying for that person. I asked my HP to be with her and give her what she needs each day. I also asked him to help me accept her as she is.It was not overnight at all...had to pray for a while but by prayer and letting go of my feelings about her I was soon able to give her those hugs . We never became "buddies" but I no longer cringe when she walks in the meeting room.
