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I'm in the middle of trying to hurry up the divorce process with my stbxah. I'm so done with this marriage and I just want out as quickly as possible. He was the one who intially started saying he wanted a divorce six months ago and continues to tell me he hates me and can't wait to get me out of his life. I finally got tired of waiting for him to make a move and filed the divorce papers myself. I'm paying all the legal fees even though I have been laid off from my job. I've done all the work of filing the papers. All he has to do is sign his name. I'm being more than reasonable in what I am asking for in the divorce. We don't have kids so that is not an issue. The only property we owned was a car that recently was repossesed. All I'm asking is that he cover the debts he owes and I will cover my debts. I could ask for spousal support and a whole lot more but I just want out. It seems like this should be as simple as divorce can be but I can't get him to sign or talk to me about the divorce at all. He won't respond to any court papers. If I call, text, or email with anything regarding the divorce he just completely ignores me. The only way I can get a response from him at all is if I pretend I want to talk about something else and then change the topic to the divorce. He will say he still hates me and wants a divorce but will not tell my why he hasn't signed the papers or talk about what he thinks is a fair division of debts. If I ask why he's not signing I will get total silence, or he will just hang up the phone on me or start ignoring my texts. This is so frustrating. If he really wants the divorce he should be thrilled I'm doing all the work, covering the costs, and giving him an easy out. I'm not suprised he woud leave all the work of actually getting divorced to me since he never takes responsibilty for anything. I'm not understanding his refusal to participate in ending a marriage he says he wants out of. There is no advantage to this delay for him financialy. And I've let him know that although I am being very nice right now I'm going to start to reconsider alimony if he keeps delaying.It is not really even like he is delaying the process though. He is just not particiapting at all. I'm reading the 4th volume of Getting Them Sober and it discusses how even after divorce it's really difficult to get rid of an alcoholic. It feels like I will never get this man out of my life. I know there is no real point to my post but thanks for letting me vent.
Aloha Nicole...what I was taught was that as long as I had a memory there would never ever be a divorce and so far that has been true. Read your post again and you will see where you know why he isn't doing his part...It's a part of who he is and you can't change him so maybe the solution is patience with your persistence. He sounds really fearful and full of denial and I get the picture of someone who is bothered but not enough to just do more than hiss and spit and then wander off. He's doing the best he can with what he has and you're out doing him which is what enablers are justifiably accused of. We get over busy and just do, do, do. I use to just do do all over the place with my enabling and I am still good at over doing. My be some slogans would work for you like..."Let Go and Let God" and "Easy Does it" and "Don't React" and "Turn it over". Yes you want the divorce over NOW!! and you're dealing with "It is what it is" or reality. Maybe you can get the judge to just give you the divorce by default...because "He just won't do what you want him to". Try asking and see what comes up. Hope you've got an Al-Anon group and sponsor backing you up. I remember when I was in your place I was soooo close to being insane again....hate that!! Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Ohhhh S&C .. can I soooo relate to what you are saying and YES .. the hardest thing to get rid of is an alcoholic.
BIG HUGS sister, .. I am STILL trying to get divorced and some of it is that he's not pushing so honestly I am not either .. that is my part. That being said I have turned a corner. If he continues to stall there are ways to get the divorce finalized without him ... if you can't afford an atty talk to a paralegal in your area .. sometimes local law schools you can find students that will help in these situations as well. Now I'm not saying that's LEGAL advice .. at least you can pull from different sources and find out what will be easiest and HOW to file if he won't cooperate.
My divorce started in may of last year it's now been going on for a year as of next week and after thousands of dollars I am no closer to an end than I was .. FINALLY there will be a pre trial court date sometime in June and STBAX is going to be in for a very RUDE awakening.
Anyway, .. just know if you do the footwork HP will show up and show off, I have to open my mind and figure out what the next right thing to do is for me.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
