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My life seems to be going well just now. I am getting healthier and fitter, Im even losing weight, I have good friends and a job I love but i cant get this sadness away. I am worried about my son. He is homeless, staying with friends, no home comforts, no room or space of his own, he is miserable, angry and feeling rejected. I am so sad about this. I can't live with him, our relaitionship is like poison. He is such an unhappy person. I am unhappy and unhealthy living with him but a worried wreck when I dont live with him. If I had money I would rent him a house or get a mortgage for him. I can't help feeling what I think he must be feeling. I feel guilty that I cant give him a home. Im so sad right now. Thanks for listening.x
el-cee, Just be with all of your feelings, for now. We can hold them all together at the same time...I hear a bit of joy and pride in there, too. Sometimes when I begin to feel good, I sense some guilt sneaking in about feeling good (how silly we are!)...those icky feelings are like little parasites that sneak in and start sucking up the joy! Keep taking the steps to nourish you, you, then nourish your son by wrapping him up in a God blanket and handing him over...blessing you and sending hugs
I know what your going through. I'm am the same way right now. My son won't quit drinking and he sits all day everyday by himself drinking, sleeping and watching TV. Nothing else. All alone with no friends or happiness. He says he go's days without talking to anyone. All alone....... I get texts from him once in a while telling me he is depressed, sad, has anxiety and doesn't know how to fix it except drink it all away. What a terrible life he lives. I can't even respond back to him anymore.
But I also know if I step in nothing will ever change and I will continue with this sadness forever. He has to come to terms with his life and what he wants out of it or he will lose big time. I tried for 4 years to give him happiness and a nice place to stay for what. So he can drink and be happy?
As long as my son continues to drink there is nothing I or anyone else can do for him
I have to let go and let his HP take care of him so matter what happens. I myself have to continue to pray for my health and happiness when and where I can get it. I have to work my program for me. I have my good days and bad but I continue to pray for peace for me and my son.
What's sad is I think sometimes if he would be better off not in this life anymore. This is new to me and I'm having a hard time trying to get past it.
It is good for you to come here and write down what your feeling so you can get some encouragement and hope that things can change and all is not lost my friend.
(((( Big HUG )))) We are here for you LC......this too shall pass.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Keep using the Tough Love el-cee cause the disease will eat up any other love you want to show. God ain't buying him a house so maybe that isn't the best solution with upstairs either. Everytime I did something to make it comfortable for the alcoholics and addicts in my life my life got crazier and theirs continued on as they chose and go worse also. I couldn't see that or understand it until I was sitting inside of the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups. Keep coming back is what they use to tell me. ((((hugs))))
It's a good thing you don't have the money then cuz putting up a 20 year old in an all expense paid home when the 20 year old has a substance abuse problem and poor work ethic is a recipe for disaster. Easy does it Elcee. Let him find his path. You parented him as best as you knew how. This is on him 99 percent. If he wants the type of support that is normal for a young adult to ask for from their parent, he has to show responsible behavior patterns.
There is a 20 year old girl in one of the AA groups I go to. She now has just over a year sobriety. She stated the best thing her parents ever did for her was to cut her off.
It is so awful to see the people we love struggling struggling and for me at least what kicks in is, how can I fix this? Control issues--that's me! I have a good friend involved with substance abuse issues and she told me that many people, if they sense a huge crisis, calamity coming near will protect themselves by getting away from it. Codependents (like me!) will run TOWARD the crisis, ready to fix fix fix it!
These feelings are difficult enough with a partner, i can't imagine how it must be with a child...wishing you lots of strength and serenity with this elcee; try to turn it over to your HP
This is a heart breaking situation and the pain that you are feeling must be overwhelming. Something that has helped me a great deal is to attend open AA speaker meetings (you can find them online as well) so I can really hear and get how powerless I am over the disease of addiction. Not only am I powerless so is the A .. it's soooo hard to think if I only did this or I only did that .. and what I have learned is that it doesn't matter what I do it won't make the situation better if anything it causes more pain for EVERYONE involved. I provide a soft place to fall and when that happens it means that the A has to fall that much further. It is soooo hard to watch someone we love torture themselves and I have said .. they are digging their own grave while yelling at the shovel they dig with .. it's insane, it's not normal, it's not rational.
I hope you are finding your support through your group AND sponsor .. because if it's good for you, it's going to be good for everyone else .. HP's time isn't ours though and my will is never going to fix someone else.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you for your support. I'm grateful for this forum, I feel like I've got friends that understand. I get a bit panicky sometimes but I know I can't act on it. I believe I am for the first time ever doing the right thing for my son. I want to tell him what I think and feel bit he thinks I am the devil, I'm rejecting him to teach him a lesson but I think my motives are pure but he won't let me speak to him, he thinks I will put him down and judge him.x
...blessing you and sending hugs