The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Everything I read says not to try to control or get in the way of his disease. My ah has gone to a doc that prescribed meds to not lose temper etc. but he continues to drink (a lot) So if I try to reinforce the boundary of drinking at home etc I'm wrong. He's gonna drink and I know it. Weather I see it or not. I do my thing instead of watching him kill himself slowly. He acts like he doesn't understand since he's not violent why its a problem. It's way out of control and I look like a heartless person - I say I have no control over his decisions. I don't think he has a rock bottom. I planned going on a vacation this summer with friends and he can't gEt off. I figure its no different than all the times he goes on weekend benders or weeklong at fish camp while I hafta work.. So I'm movin on. But books confuse me. Just letting him kill himself and watching
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Alanon suggest that we learn to keep the focus on ourselves, watch our own behavior and pray for the alcoholic. Trusting HP in this situation because alcoholism is a fatal disease that can be arrested but not cured. Praying works
My exAH continues to carve new depths as he plummets from one rock bottom to the next, trying to take me and others with him in his journey. The many times I have tried to help him have only served to make his disease stronger.
It took me a long time before I understood and could start practicing and really breathing in the 12 steps, Al Anon principles and slogans, and other reading materials suggested by Al Anon. New ways of thinking, opening to new or different perspectives is a process that takes time, but so worth it as I gain increasingly more clarity.
You stated that if feels like "Just letting him kill himself and watching"
Here's where that thought could use some fine tuning. 1. Eliminate the word "letting" because you are not in control of him killing himself. You never were and never will be. NOTHING you do will stop him from killing himself with alcohol or however else he wants. 2. The watching part is your choice. Nobody is making you stay with him.
So I have often stated being with an alcoholic is like watching someone commit slow suicide and today, I do not have that in me. I acted that way and was watching another alcoholic live that way a long time. Today I choose to live life as best and fully as I can and those behaviors have become intolerable for me to be around.
Everybody has a rock bottom. At his own time, in the right place, under right circumstances he may find his.
I would try my bestest best to get comfortable in my own skin. To shift my focus off him and place it on me and keep it there. Glue it on me. With best possible glue there is!
