The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How do I heal and move on when the AH 5 months sober will not let me get better want nothing to do with the kids. Does not want to know them he know there his kids but won't get to know them , wont i let me work on a program I just started. Still on step one. Set boundarys easy one . I asked of space and privacy to work my program . And that can't even work. The constant in my bubble wanting to no my plan to stay with him or leave, he wants answers today if I'm going to stay with the marriage or not. He want to get himself prepared security wise. Thinks I have a plan a goal to use him and leave him when I get better. I think again this is selfish behavior on his part again. Asking or demanding to know where I stand with him. Right now the way things are at home and he not keeping on his side, yeah there's no hope for us. That's the answer I gave him. No hope for us. I as a co dependent should not have to feel pressure or force to give false hope. That's one thing I changed. No promises no commitments nothing at this time till I can find out who I am and how to work my steps to get better. There is no crystal ball for me to shake and tell him I will stay with him under these living conditions. In my eyes that's a big request to ask of me considering what I have lived with for 14 years and gone thru the past 2 years and the 5 months of hell during his sobriety . Not once have I ask questions on his meetings or question how many he goes to a day or ask for a hall pass to show he working it. Why should I tell him there false hope for us when I don't know what going to happen 5 months from now. It would be unfair of me to ask him will he cheat again will he drink again???? I need help I need hope . I need to connect with my higher up I need to focus on me not him.. HE NEEDS to BACK OFF .. And give me time to look for hope.. Some days there only so much more mind games I can take. Where I told him today I'm thinking about stopping al Alon . And if that happens then we are done.. What good does al Alon meetings and reading do me if I can work it.. I need help here , I need at least a piece of the puzzle to start. Prays and keep coming back are not working that much for me these days. Any other advise to help me try to find the hope and time and space to tend to my needs .
5 months sober and marriage councling was a no go. How can you focus on something your not ready to fix. It be like me skipping over step 4/5 to get by. I wish there more meetings to go to like Aa has them run 24/7 so many ppl to call when u say drink? I can't attend a meeting a day for the week . They all run around the same time but in different towns and then you be using gas to get to a meeting . There are so many reason or excuses I here why I can't go to that one at that time. Sorry you can't go to that al Alon meeting tonight . I need to go to my 3 rd Aa meeting today because I need a drink. Again I put myself last. AH makes it hard for me to tend meetings face to face. So I try to do self help reading but then I'm being selfish because my AH sober thinks I should be focused on him , the books can wait I here . Your reading to much , don't over work your self you will hurt your eyes . Oh you have phone numbers now to call to speak to ppl when you can't go to a meeting. Well that's a issue to.... He likes to be present during my conversation he likes to here what I say so later he can badger me about it . Or your ppl is now how we refere al- Alon and Aa . The battles of the good vs over a . I tell my problem the way I feel it see it and how it affects me. AHsober likes to tell me I'm wrong , you make it sound wrong.. . I'm in a rut . This will bite me in the butt I'm sure if he reads this.. But this recovery has gone to a different issue now.. We are in controll mode, AH sober controls in ways only I no , the way he looks when he says it or how he words it. Not only became sober but smarter on how he can use his program against me to help me work mine. Social sights oh my got me in a world off alcohol . I made friends and ppl like me and a man took interest . And then I here about step 13 !!!! I worked these social sight to benefit me and my recovery I used them as a tool of strength . Me as a ppl pleaser need ppl!!!!!!!!!! If all source are taken away from me that leaves me no option to get better. Out siders might change my mind tell me the right behavior and what not good behavior . Am I making any sence of this ??
I am so sorry that you haveing such difficulty We have a 24/7 open chat room here every day and on line meetings 2xs a day. Here is the schedule Please tty thiss It rally is important for your recovery. Or come an dpost here We will respond
It works if you keep coming back and working it
Morning Meetings
Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST
Sat. - Sun at 10am EST
Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.
Night Meetings
Mon-Saturday 9PM eastern time
Sunday 7PM eastern time
Each Thursday night at 9PM EST, we will be having a Step/Tradition Meeting to help new people get to know and understand how to work the 12 steps. After going through one Step per week, and getting through the 12 of them, we then start a Tradition a week on this same night.
Group Business Meetings are held in this room on: The FIRST Sunday of each month at 8:30PM EST, (directly following the 7pm Sunday evening meeting.) Please join us for this meeting, as this is where the group comes together to make group related decisions.
If he is in AA - he should understand the concept of 1 day at a time. Ideally he should grasp "lets just focus on getting through today as best we can." This is a useful way for you to look at things too. Slow it down and breathe.
