The material presented
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Hi there, I'm new and feel so lost. My husband admitted to being an alcoholic about six months ago. He was actively involved in AA but then started drinking again. I made him leave the house. we have an 8 year did daughter I am trying to protect. He ended up in detox and was doing well for about six weeks. I recently started noticing him looking glazed over with slightly slurred speech when he would come home from a "meeting". I didn't say anything to him but he's definitely gotten worse. He denies doing anything and yesterday I found a large amount if pot in our dresser - like he didn't even attempt to hide it. He keeps disappearing for hours and hours and tries to act sobe when he does come home. I'm frustrated, confused, angry and acting as if it doesn't bother me, going on with my life, taking care of our daughter while being the sole bread winner. Here is the real issue, I love him - so much it hurts. I'm taking it all so personally when I know its not me (even though he says it it). Am I supposed to pretend he is not doing anything? When he comes in I should act normal Even though his disappearing is seriously odd? I can't stand this!! I need help!
welcome to al anon you're doing a great thing getting to a meeting
I hear your painful confusion and I can say I have felt it living with my active drinker I also have found for me that detaching brings so much peace of mind if you keep coming to al anon and ask for support you can start to detach and in a state of detachment you wont take it personally and you'll be able to begin to make decisions that are right for you it really isnt you!
When I first came to MIP and attended Al-anon I obsessed so much over my AS. I couldn't stop letting him know what he was doing wrong or trying to get him to agree with me because I was right about everything. He was so active in his disease he didn't know anything...he was the one in the wrong. He lied to me that he was a good boy and wasn't drinking even though he couldn't stand up straight. Well I finally let go and let my HP take over.
I find when we let go and start taking care of us it doesn't matter what they say anymore. You can't change it so why continue to try. They know what they are doing...we don't need to take to them all the time. As we let go we become more peaceful and not worry so much about what the A is doing...they will have to take the responsibility for their actions without us trying prove it.
I also set boundaries and that I DON"T go back on. If my AS doesn't abide by them he will not see me. Plain and simple. As the saying go's....mean what you say, say what you mean but never say it mean.
Al-anon has saved my sanity my friend....without it I would be in a mental hospital by now. I'm working my program, working the steps and Al-anon will always be part of my life. It's for ME.....
It works, if you work it and your worth it
Keep coming back
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I so identify with you...my ex H was alcoholic and pot smoking. So difficult to detach, but you must...for yourself and your daughter. It's the only way to keep some semblance of normal in your home. Al Anon taught me so much....I use it's teachings every day....you can do this...and take each day as it comes.
