The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning I got a phone call from what I'm pretty sure was a collections agency looking for my ex.
After almost three years of being divorced, I'm still getting these phone calls. It really surprised me because I hadn't received any in probably over a year, year-and-a-half.
Thus far I've just maintained that if any one called asking for exAH's name, then I'd just say they've got the wrong number... because really, they do.
Not any one of these people have asked me - "Oh, do you know his number?" At which point I'd probably go ahead and give it to them!
But yeah - I guess my little trouble-making ego has decided this gets to be the issue of my day right now and that I should either A: Call the ex and let him know I'm receiving collections calls for him and tell him he needs to get my number removed from their lists. or B: Next time I get such a call, give them his number even if they don't particularly ask for it.
Of course their's option C: Just keep doing what I've been doing... maybe the next call won't come until two years from now. Option D: change my number!!!!! (woah that's extreme).
But yeah. Mrs. High N Mighty Morals in me is playing judge, jury and executioner right now and is thinking that exAH needs to square up his debts and get my phone number removed from his records.
Bah. I'll probably just keep doing option C... seems the least disruptive to my serenity. It's pretty easy to just say "there's no one here by that name."
For me ...as long as my motives are in line...I follow thru. My alcoholic/addict not only did a number on me she would also do a number (negatives) on lots of others also including retailers and such. When they called me about the car payment I told them to go pick up the car rather than keep calling me and threatening all kinds of mayhem. Car was the security...so go get it. When they called me as told me my future ex was trying to use our former credit line I told them it would be on their own responsibility because I no longer was contracting with them. Over a short period of time with the right motives (keeping myself out of harms way)...it all came out nicely. Am going thru the same like process now on a different level and with the right motives...It's gotta be Fair, Honest and Just. ((((hugs))))
When they called for mine, I just gave them his number. That stopped them calling effectively. And I didn't see why I should shield him from the consequences of his choices. It's not like he didn't really owe the money. And I didn't see why I should be the one who got hassled about it.
I've been divorced from my first ex (no, i'm not collecting them, I stop at two!) since 2003 and I STILL get automated collection calls for him, they go to my answering machine and tickle me when they say that because "I" continued to listen, it means I am him.... huh? I do what the calls say to do - call back the number, getting only automations and press the buttons to remove my number from their lists. "They" are only trying to get paid for something, like I am trying to get paid for the motorcycle paymenst I make on his behalf (2nd ex). Do an internet search for myself and I see that among the related names are 1st and 2nd ex's names - collection agencies just trying to cover bases, find a way to get money owed to their clients.
When I got "live" people, I used to tell them that I didn't have his number (he didn't have one so they couldn't hound him!) but would relay the message to him. I was not covering for him or hiding him, but neither would I give out any phone numbers where he might be found because I hate having my number given without permission.
My point being, you can expect calls for some time, its been ten years and I still get them!
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
