The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh, At the moment I am trying to draw a line in our Alanon group. {I am a GR}. Between Alanon and AA. Tough, because the boundaries between Alanon and AA run very deep.
Our higher power has a deep and abiding hand in all our affairs, and I find that to be a great strength.
The 'no cross-talk rule' has come across from AA. I feel that it is a great driver in any group. But it must be excercised with care. I find our greeting time, and coffee time, to be much stronger and relaxed.
I am one of those who feels that the slavish recitation of the steps, traditions and concepts to be a bit of a trap. I will use the steps to break a meeting between the topic-time, and a time we have to share our weeks.
I would have the steps, and traditions together, about once a month.
I very much prefer to talk about how the steps, and the traditions, work in practise. And try to give good examples from my own recovery.
At out meeting the chair is changed ever week. Mostly when I chair I try to pass the task on, at the meeting so the next chair can prepare a topic.
So, the question I am asking is this- what do other Alanon members think about the 'no cross-talk' rule?
I understand no cross-talk as no person-to-person discussions in meetings. Meaning, I start to share and all of a sudden, another member in the group goes "Oh, Kelly! I totally agree. You know, I went through this experience. Maybe you should try doing this."
This is important to me because it gives everyone participating their own time to speak without interruption, and it also manages to not single any person out in a meeting. We address our shares to the group instead of to any individual.
I think maybe you're thinking about the line between Al-Anon and AA, and that would fall under "Al-Anon Spoken Here" if you're at an Al-Anon meeting.
It's important for me, as an Al-Anon member, to keep the focus on discussions related to recovery using the Al-Anon legacies - steps, traditions and concepts. I cannot relate if a dual-member decides to discusses how he or she is trying really hard to not drink and is struggling with it. I can relate to stinking thinking issues, however, but definitely not recovering from the disease of alcoholism from the perspective of an alcoholic. That's what AA meetings are for - for that united support from other alcoholics recovering from the disease of alcoholism.
Al-Anon meetings are for those of us struggling to live with an alcoholic.
I stopped attending a meeting because so many people were cross talking the second half of the meeting and I just hated the disrespect it showed to the poor person who could not finish there own share without getting advice. I love the way my old home group meeting was ran by the book. Hope this helps.
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I think it's crucial because it's in vocalising our problems, issues, recovery that we get a better understanding of ourselves and our lives. If cross talk is allowed then it becomes a chat, discussion that brings in personalities over principles. Just my opinion.x
First I define cross talk as anyone making direct comment on anyone else's share. I believe it is very important to have this requirement because many of us come form alcoholic homes where we never were able to speak or be heard. When we did speak we were judged, given advise told we were not right or stupid Being able to speak freely without the fear of being told you are wrong and given advise is the best medicine alanon can offer.
The reason we all become healthier is because we are free to speak our hearts and deep feelings without fear. Having done this, It become natural to accept ourselves as human and deserving of respect and courtesy. If we interrupted each other and gave advise we would be practicing our disease. This is all in the meeting After meetings at coffee and chat hen we have a regular social.
As for the Steps and Traditions I believe these are the foundation stones and building blocks of recovery and should be read at every meeting. the Steps keep me from suicide and the Traditions keep our groups safe and from homicide with each other.
Oh great! Thanks Kelly, BF, LC and Betty... I think I have raised this topic before... but I needed to know again- what the rules and guidelines were. I like the atmosphere, and the culture, of this forum... I have not questioned it openly- haven't needed to. I came in with Concept 4- 'participation is the key to harmony'.
My middle years in Alanon were fairly intense- being to up-front and close to real vital issues in people's lives. Ok, the only way into this is to pitch in. And it works.
When I started in Alanon we might have got to share at a meeting once a month, or less. Well here I can share two or three times a week. And with a crew of highly motivated and knowledgable members.
Our f2 face group has grown from 8 to 11 members. I asked for time to give notices... I had to pull out the manual and review how our group measured up. I think we all need structure and a safe atmosphere. I get to practise Tradition two. I am already grooming someone to fill my boots as GR.
Our meeting starts at 8 am. I have been mooting that we start at 7.30, just to get all the sharing in. This was resisted. I guessed that the established members could meet earlier and any new members would still come at 8.
So more sharing means more meeting time, or even having another meeting night... [as well...]
...our own group, over the years I call [to myself] 'laughter and tears', and a good measure of both. We had good feedback from our newcomers that they were embraced and welcomed from the time they arrived...
WE HAVE HAD THE PROBLEM WITH HAVING EVERYONE SHARE AND IT WAS DECIDED THAT E WOULD EACHEBE LIMITED TO 3 MINUTE SHARES, THERE IS A ITME KEEPER WHO RAISES THEIR HAND WHRN 3 MIN ARE UP AND WE COMPLY. IT WORKS
We had a group from 5-10 we started with the 3 reading from C2C, Hope For Today and ODAT then we would spin a little spinner to pick the topic of the day, we would go around the table and do a 3 minute or less share on that topic and after everyone got to talk about the topic we would open the floor for esh and no one4 was allowed to interupt or speak about that share. We would go around taking turns in a circle and you could always pass until it was time for the closing.
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Oh, At the moment I am trying to draw a line in our Alanon group. {I am a GR}. Between Alanon and AA. Tough, because the boundaries between Alanon and AA run very deep.