The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over the last several months, I've been getting the runaround from my STBXAH regarding the divorce papers. It finally came to a head yesterday in several phone calls. I finally had the "come to Jesus" talk with him because I was tired of his shenanigans.
He said that he felt like he was being taken advantage of with some of the requests I had made in the divorce decree. Things like me expecting him to reimburse me for his share of the health insurance premiums and a couple of large annual payments that had to be made before the divorce was final. He got snippy with me about not providing him with copies of our taxes from this year for his files - something he had never asked me for before. Sheesh.
I had had enough.
I am really proud of myself for showing grace under pressure, something I have not always excelled at. When I get that angry, words don't come to me very easily and I don't communicate well.
I told him that I wasn't taking advantage of him, that I would show him all my paystubs that showed what we had been paying for insurance. I told him he could have copies of the taxes at anytime - that us cooperating with things like that are outlined in the divorce decree.
I reminded him that his mom had sent him money while he was in rehab to help with his expenses back home, and despite him saying he'd help, I never saw a dime. I told him that I've been talking to a realtor/mortgage guy about the house, and that I am going to have to take a part-time job on top of my full-time position to make ends meet and to obtain the debt-to-income ratio necessary to re-finance or assume the loan.
He started saying something about "what a judge would do" about my demands in the papers.
That did it.
I informed him, in no uncertain terms, that unless these issues were resolved I was considering filing for bankruptcy and that he was going to go down with me. That he would have to sell our boat and split the proceeds rather than me just letting him have it. That I have tried to handle this whole situation - three trips to rehab, him having an affair for 8 months and ultimately leaving me for another woman, moving away and leaving me holding the bag - with as much dignity and grace as I could muster, but I'd be dipped in 'XXXX' if he thinks it's OK to tell me that I am being bitter and resentful.
I told him that he was the one who wanted this divorce and it had been me who drafted the pro-se papers, took time off from work to meet with attorneys and legal assistants, and did two full revisions and he's still not satisfied. I told him that if this draft didn't work for him that he could tear it up, throw it away, and file his own damn papers and serve me with them. Then I'll go to court, tell the judge about his infidelities, fiscal irreponsibilities, and then file for bankruptcy in both our names.
Several hours and two phone calls later, he told me that he had signed the papers. He's coming back to our hometown today and I should have the papers, along with $300 of wthe $1300 he owes, by tonight.
I hate that it had to come to a come to Jesus meeting to get this done, but I couldn't take it anymore. I said what I meant, and meant what I said, and didn't say it mean. I was matter-of-fact and truthful in my conversation with him and I guess my HP decided that I had taken enough abuse.
My BFF will go with me to have the papers signed and finalized in front of a notary. I'm grateful that she'll be there for me during this major milestone.
Please say a prayer for me today as we discuss how I am going to get these things from him and as I get to him some items he wants from the house during his visit.
((((Blondie)))) hope just hope you are getting to face to face meetings where you can be face to face supported and hope just hope you have a sponsor to stand tall with you. I can hear the force you are exerting in trying to do it all by yourself and remember how that took me down to "nothing left"....Another part-time job? I hope there's something more reasonable for Blondie. I'm remembering your recent anniversary celebration and hope it still fuels you. ((((hugs))))
Thanks El-Cee - I have always taken strength from your stories. I am grateful to hear from you and for the vote of confidence.
And thanks my dear friend Jerry - I am actually heading to a F2F in about an hour. I've gone every day this week. I don't have a sponsor yet but have found several good sister-friends that will stand by me through this. I am looking for a full-time job that pays more so I won't have to work part-time, but if I need to do it for a time to replenish my savings account, I will do it. Not like I haven't done it before - in college, I had a full course load plus a full time and part time job. Taught me to be VERY organized! Thank you as always for your wisdom, my friend.
