The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You are not alone and your attitude of gratitude will carry you through this difficult time with grace, courage,wisdom and diginity. It is not an easy road but with program, HP and your wisdom you will walk one day at a time with them.
Keep on sharing You are in my prayers.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 24th of April 2013 01:43:08 PM
I am feeling very heavy hearted today as I consider the path I will be walking with my elderly parents. My father has been in the undiagnosed stages of perhaps dementia/alzheimers and my mom has done what she has always done; denying the obvious and dancing through life, which has served her wonderfully at times. However, my dad is sinking deeper into confusion, paranoia and verbal abuse. My siblings and I have finally convinced her to schedule medical appointments for him and begin the diagnostics. Then, we will meet together and discuss treatment options. It has been a struggle to balance my awareness of controlling and letting go and feeling all of the feelings of anger, sadness and grief...sometimes, like now, I feel swallowed up in it...and, yet, there is still the presence of joy and gratitude for what I have been provided through their love, and, through al anon and the grace of God, I have found my heart and all of you.
I Can't imagine the Decissions or Trails you will Face on this Next Journey, However, I Have to Constantly Remind myself that That TODAY! I'm Ok! They are OK! There is Times I Litterly have to look at my Feet and Say Out Loud, "My Feet are Safely On the Ground, I am UP & Alive and at this MOMENT, that is all i Need!"
This can be a VERY Trying thing not just for you but also for your Parents, Just know your Limits, and Know when its best to "Vote with your Feet" And leave the room long enough to regather yourself... I too have a TERRIBLE Habit of Control Issues! And i have had to walk out of Many of Rooms to keep from Jumping in When its not my Place!
I'm Sure your Mom knows that you are doing your best to Support, and she is only doing what she always done becase that is what she knows as well! I Struggle with my Mom in this department as well... I Adore her, but have Realized she too has a HP that she has to answer too & its Not Me...
You are a very bright Light Here at MIP... And I'm Glad you are Here! I Will Send Prayers for Your Parents, As well as for you that you Find the Answers that will help all Cope with the Coming times! To the Best of your Ability! Take care of You! Keep Coming back =)
I'm sorry you are struggling PP. It's funny how our parents almost become our children as they age. It took my mother in law a long time to find real help for her husband. There were many family sit downs, but we weren't included as we live on the other coast. I just remember the phone calls and the drama. It all worked out for the best and he died last year in a wonderful place where he was getting good care and we didn't have to worry over his safety anymore. Of course, there was one time when he tried to escape the facility and he tried wheeling past the nurse's station and the nurses all see this head moving past their desk slowly and watch him try to sneak out at 2 MPH, LOL! He was funny.
Anyway, I will pray for you and your family that the decisions you all make are God's will for your father.
I remember those sad and lost days when I lost my parents. My step mom died in her sleep so her death was sudden and unexpected. But one month later my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my life just turned upside down. He lived in CA and with me in AZ so it was quite hard dealing with not being here all the time. I would travel every other weekend to visit and take him out and just take care of him. I took care of all his bills and business and my sister would take him to his doctor visits. He stayed in our lives for 1 year after diagnoses, but that one year was best year I ever had with my father. We got to know each other again. His death weighted heavy on my heart for a long time but with my HP I was able to overcome the hurt I felt for not being there when he did pass.
Just be there and love them for as long as they are in your life....
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
(((PP)))...we can share some of this with you in spirit and emotion. Some of us know what it feels like and can now employ empathy and compassion for you and them and the rest of your family. You are soooo right on with the application of love and gratitude for what you have received rather that just the remorse, regret, resentment of what you might be loosing. Resentment isn't one I associate with PP's character yet I know you too are human. Standing in support with and for you and HP is looking over my shoulder as I type this so HP is totally engaged. ((((hugs))))
You are in my thoughts and prayers today. Sending love and support, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I just came home from a week with my mom. She is in the same place as your dad. She will no longer allow me access to her medical records because I am snoopy.
I cant get out to a meeting for at least a few more days. I have a bad case of laryngitis. Ive been sick for the past month. Nothing special - just the usual stuff that comes with aging. Im not allowed to be sick. I am certainly not allowed to say anything is I feel out of sorts. Nothing special just the every-day stuff that I joined Al-Anon for in the first place. Sometimes I get lonely & sad. Its OK to be sad sometimes.
Michael J. Fox said My happiness is measured in direct proportion to my acceptance.
It snowed this morning. I saw my very first Baltimore oriole at my bird feeder!! The sun is shining now & the trees & flowers are in bloom.
Thank you Mother God for the life you bring in spring.
I'm so sorry your struggling today. There are so many mixed emotions when we feel the roles changing and find ourselves parenting our parents. Your dad might be aware that he's changing but doesn't understand what's happening to him and his verbal reactions might be due his confusion. If he could logically choose, would he choose this? Likely not. He's lucky to have a loving daughter like you looking out for his best interest. You're mom is lucky to have you as well since she's unable to meet this challenge and help your dad with medical decision making. I've wished I could change how some of my family members handle things but of course just like myself I got where I got through years of living that way and have only seen changes due to Alanon recovery. The serenity prayer can really come in handy at times. I hope you are able to get some answers concerning your dad's health and some support for yourself and your mom as caregivers. You're in my prayers. ((((pp))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
