Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He chooses to stay in the pit, I walked away
Post Info TOPIC: He chooses to stay in the pit, I walked away
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
He chooses to stay in the pit, I walked away
Permalink  

I am embarrassed to tell you, that my guy is so sick, says he is at the bottom. I walked away. I will not allow myself to be dragged down from his situation.

He can stay in his pit along with all his addicts and coda is that right? Children of an addict?  His coda children and make his grandchildren like his own kid who did not have a chance.

I hate leaving when he is so bad. But that is not my problem. He needs me to step away.

How do I feel? Like I would rather have been sliced up by a knife, suffocated or shot. It was a stupid decision for him climb further into the mess. He is so so much worse now.

No he is not A, he is so codependant and sick it is not funny. The guy I knew is gone/dead. He has to figure it out for himself.

I am hurt because I trusted in him, admired him. I for once did not believe a man was going to go away. He proved me wrong. I don't know one man who won't or did not go away. I mean thru death, disease, stupidity. I put my faith in my guy. I know he is still there somewhere. But he has to find him. I won't make his landing soft anymore.

I didn't know best friends ended. guess it means he was not my best friend. I don't know what I did wrong.

I have no connection with anyone now again. I won't feel whole cuz I know I have my other half of me. My connection. I have none again. I won't walk feeling humble and proud knowing someone is the other part of me, someone really cares.

am a mess. I want to throw up.    can't stop crying and sorta this weird moan. It hurts. No one to go to. Of course I know what i have. but right now, I just lost my best friend. and I feel like dying.



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
PP


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3964
Date:
Permalink  

I am so sorry you feel so badly.  Hang on and keep talking to us....I love the honesty and vulnerability you expressed AND your commitment to you.  hugs



__________________

Paula
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:
Permalink  

{{{{Hugs.}}}}

But you took care of yourself -- that's the wonderful and most important thing.

It's not till we get to know someone really deeply that we can see their innermost ways of functioning.  Sometimes that is not good news.  You looked, and when you saw, you protected yourself, however much it hurt.  That will save you from so much hurt down the line.  What health!  I don't see you trying to change him, make him see the light, work on him, or control him.  If only we could all react like that!

The truth is that every relationship ends until one doesn't.  And your relationship with yourself and your HP is still strong and good.  Take good care of yourself.



__________________
Temple


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 971
Date:
Permalink  

Bless your sweet, loving heart, Debilyn,

I loved what Paula and Mattie said.

And I am so sorry you are hurting so deeply.

Hugs,
Temple

__________________

It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
ilovedogs


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1582
Date:
Permalink  

Oh, Debilyn, I am so sorry that you are hurting. I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and let you cry on my shoulder. Hugs and prayers to you today~

__________________
Struggling to find me......
tiredtonite


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 25
Date:
Permalink  

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself.  Look at you... still walking up straight.  Your "other half" gone and you didn't keel over.  Hmmmm are you sure you've lost your "other half?"  I've known you a long time.  I think it's your higher power that's made you whole not this man.  I'm sorry he hurt you, Debilyn.  You deserve the best. You're hp hasn't abandoned you and we're here for you too.  Hugs      TT



__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
rehprof


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 689
Date:
Permalink  

Well, CRAP.

After I fell hard...it took me a long time to feel even a shred of trust or hope... a LONG time.... it's been a year and a half...and I still feel pangs and miss him...it just didn't turn out like I imagined and hoped...

I was talking to a friend about this and being afraid to risk dating again and he said "remember if we always sit on the sidelines we miss the dance. And It's so #@$!ing awesome to dance!" 

The other thing that contributed to my pain was thinking that everyone but me had a happy, storybook life. Well. BS. Pain, suffering, and loss are part of life. Things change, or don't change...and we have to support one another through it.

It just plain sucks to hurt like this. I am sending you every bit of good juju I can...

Your sister in the journey, (((((BIG SQUEEZE)))))

RP



__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

(((Deb))))

 

I am so very sorry for you sadness and pain.    I do beleive that HP made me whole and will never abandon us

So that you are never alone.

In my thoughts



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

Hugs Deb, Sending love and support ... there is a Bhai saying that states you can't build your happiness on someone else's unhappiness. I'm sooooo sorry for your pain, you have gotten some wonderful esh. Hugs p

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
likemyheart


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1277
Date:
Permalink  

I remember the crying and moaning, the moaning that doesn't sound like its coming from you because its so horrible to hear and you have to get it out and the pain wants out of you and won't come out with anything less than the deep moaning, rocking in bed, clinging tightly to the pillow as you bury your face into it and moan. Yep. Your post Deb brings up the image of myself in the same condition laying in my HP's hands; finding comfort in the "Footprints" line "It was then that I carried you". I'm sorry you are in pain.

__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

thank you. I take all this in my heart. I guess you are right. If I didn't feel whole from hp I woulda offed myself. I hate hate hate what this freaking disease can do. What it does to those around it is so horrible, horrible.

I am still backing off. Just gonna enjoy my home and animals, and the friends I do see sometimes. They are all married mostly and have careers.

I honestly allow him to be sick, meaning friendships do change. But I will not allow anyone to pull me in with them, or hurt me. He called and I let it out. He knows he has changed, he knows he is not communicating with anyone. He told me his boss told him that also, and others. He is so tired he does not care that he is so tired.

I said well you know whats going on, you know Al Anon! He says, he does not want to be around all those sick people, that is how sick he is. )c:

At least he knows it. Told me he has to figure it out, it may take a month, three months or a year. Whatever it takes it takes. If we are ok after this, its in HP's hands. I don't want to think about it anymore. Its pretty out, my animals are doing great, my horse keeps kissing me and looks gorgious.

My neighbor is trying to get me to come to her house. She wants a couple pots and some chickens. So needs help setting it up. I will when I find that JuJu someone is sending.  (c:

He tells me he wants to hear from me every day. I just gotta take one day at a time as usual. And like we do with A's, let them figure it out and be thankful he is miserable as maybe that is what he needs to grab the rope and pull himself out of the pit. I am going to stay right here, and play with my critters....love you guys, Debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3972
Date:
Permalink  

((((((((((((Debilyn)))))))))))) You are my favorite naked guinea pig owner of all times! Now that maybe you smiled, hopefully anyway remember who you are and what you are made of. You have made it very far with God handling it all and he won't leave you now! You have lifted me up so many times in my bleakest moments and now I pray I can touch your heart and let you know you are not alone and you are so very loved. I know it is hard to not have the tangible man to make you feel loved and complete, but you are loved and complete. You are strong, funny, witty, beautiful inside and out. You have a huge heart of gold. I am sorry you are hurting. I am sending you much love and support!

__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
NicoleDiver


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 44
Date:
Permalink  

Debilyn, I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. Please know there are many of us thinking of you. Sending hugs and happy thoughts your way. :)

__________________

Nothing difficult is ever easy.
milkwood


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2200
Date:
Permalink  

(((((((Debilyn)))))))), it sounds to me as though you are someone special who can walk tall and with pride.
I just need to ask a question, based on Breakingfree's comment - are you really a naked guinea pig owner? And is it the guinea pig that is naked??
Sending hugs.

__________________
Cathyinaz


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3026
Date:
Permalink  

(((( Debilyn )))))

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know how much it hurts because I have gone though it in the past. The loss was so hard on me but I did come out better on the other side and the next thing I knew someone else came into my life.

Like I'm told...you need to get out and enjoy your life and not be stuck in something that will continue to bring you down. It's hard and heartbreaking but you are strong my friend.

Take care of you and sending you love and support. (((( hugs ))))

__________________

 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

oh man there Breakingfree goes again starting rumors..hahahha I am a nudest who raised guinea pigs. so?? so?? lol

I have guinea pigs who have no hair, Mazey is a pink Skinny pig, Isabella is a Baldwin guinea pig. (c:

 

thank you guys. I have said it a million times, I would be lost with out mip!

he and I are texting back and forth as he is in a boring OSHA meeting.....its all ok. just scared the pants off me.

I am going out to do errands and going to send him pics of things...hahahaha



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
Permalink  

I'm sorry debilyn, I really hoped this would have worked out for you.x

__________________
bud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2081
Date:
Permalink  

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. No need to be embarrassed for things beyond your control. Some times, actually most of the time, we just don't really know what life brings... and life, people, etc certainly aren't perfect. I'm glad that you're taking good care of you!

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He chooses to stay in the pit, I walked away