Yanks, I am inspired by your personal strength and sticking to doing what is right for you. Aside from being dubious of whether he will truly latch on to recovery, there is some degree of need for him to become a functioning person on is own even if he was going to stay with you. For me, I needed to have a period of learning to be on my own in my own place and functioning like a grown up again before committing back to a relationship.... This is what I needed as I WAS ACTUALLY RECOVERING.

So...either way...success or failure, him having his own place could be looked at as a good thigk for him, you, and the both of you. It doesn't have to mean divorce but it can aid in detachment and him learning to function more fully as a person.

P.S. - This is all theoretical and I don't fully walk in your shoes or his. You are already coming to what your HP wants of you and sound very much on track so I just wanted to add imput not say what you or he "should" do cuz clearly the world does not always function on my ideas of what "should" happen.

You know what you need to do for you and that is what's important here. WE have all read the stories of those who went to AA or rehab and then slipped up or dropped out after a few months. Also, what I've noticed is that just going to AA is only the first step, just like going to Al Anon is the first step. It took me months of meetings before I actually started working the steps in the program or getting a sponsor. Just because we go to meetings (on either side of the program) doesn't mean we are getting healthy. My AH hasn't had a drink in 6 weeks but that doesn't mean he's sober mentally, he's just not drinking but his behavior and personality are still there as are his attitudes/worldview.

I admire your strength in sticking to your plan. My sponsor said she went to Al Anon meetings for 3 years before she started working the program and keeping to her side of the street, etc. I remember being in shock because she has so much peace and serenity now, LOL. Keep us posted and know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers!

thank you all again--the support here is invaluable; and knowing that each of you has understanding on this issue helps so much, I can't even put into words!

Right now I am actually just trying to pay attention to my feelings--it may be possible that there has just been too much damage done, I don't know....at the moment it is exhausting to think that after years of anger, bitternsess, resentment, accpetance, forgiveness, compasssion I finally get the courage I need and now he's seen the light.

I'm thinking it is still..'the A is going to do what they do, now what am I gonna do"

right now--I don't know! And that's ok, trying to breathe and run, and take care of my kids

will keep you all posted, like it or not!  haha

yanksfan

 

 

Good for you Yanksfan...change is necessary and was necessary...doing something different rather than the samethings over and over again expecting different results. I learned that I was so invested in the relationship with the alcoholics that I had created the "habit" of living in that crises and chaos and also learned that I was taking that part of the disease with me everywhere I went affecting almost everyone I touched...just like "her".  I just had to get myself straightened out or I had no chance of a sane, happy life even without her.  It also took me a long time to "get" the program and then to "work" the program.  Getting the program helped me to understand and become aware of where I had been, what I had learned and then what I contributed to my broken insane life.  Working the program gave me the much needed alternative ways of living which give me the positive consequences I get today.   I start out with HP...then I look around at what needs to be straightened out in my life and then, like with my membership in MIP, I help others.    Keep coming back  (((((hugs)))))