The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The simple answer to your questions is typical of alcoholic? families "Yes" and Yes alanon will help
It was in alanon that I learned all the tools that helped me not to engage in the madness but also to validate myself and not to become invisible in the process. Search out face to face meetings you are worth it.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 22nd of April 2013 09:46:35 PM
I've been thinking lately about my family dynamics and my AH's family dynamics and one thing rings pretty clear on both sides: everyone sits in judgment of everyone else. There is constant bickering on my side, and constant bickering on his side. And I don't mean between families, I mean within families. Nobody gets along. And I get so sick of it.
There is drama drama drama everywhere all the time. People argue, don't get along, gossip about each other, estrange themselves, blah blah blah - it's constant. And it's exhausting. Why can't we all just get along?
Honestly I try to stay out of it as much as possible. I try not to have opinions. I try to be a good listener, be supportive, etc. etc. But come on, we're all adults here.
Is this the family dynamics of addiction? Because there's addiction on both sides of the family, so I'm wondering if all this dysfunction is related to that. And will Al-Anon help me deal with the craziness of the non-addicts in the family??
AH's mother's family were always such a puzzlement to me. They'd snipe at each other, gossip behind backs. fight after funerals. I had never seen anything like it, and haven't since. And when I read your post, a lightbulb went on. Because that was also the family that had some alcoholics in it. They all behaved that way--even the ones who didn't drink.
Thanks for posting. I hope you can get your sails out of all their wind. Life is so much fun when you don't have to be around people like that.
Hugs, Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
That was just like my family of origin and well they all needed al-anon and now that I know I attend regularly. I highly recommend meetings! Sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Yes, this type of chaos is common in families with addiction. The addiction creates lots of chaotic situations and then people drink over their perception that they are stressed and living in chaos. Vicious circle.
Also, alanon will give you better insight and a frame of reference so that you know "crazy" when you see it. When all you are is stuck in it 24/7, you come to think it's normal. Alanon will allow you to get feedback, clarity, and take a step back to disengage from the chaos. Alanon will also equip you to accept the family members for who they are without getting as involved in their mess, without taking their nuttiness as personally, and on top of all of that, you will gain a more sane support group to go to when the craziness starts creeping in on you.
I'll add a "ditto" to what pinkchip shared. I would also submit that alcoholism/addiction may not be the cause of family dysfunction, but rather the result of it.
The Al-Anon tools will help you disconnect from the insanity around you and introduce you to a "new normal." Find a meeting and keep coming back.
Working the 12 steps and using the al anon tools will not only help you deal with family dynamics, but all relationship dynamics. I believe these tools are truly tools for living. You will be amazed at how differently you can be within relationships and it sort of just sneaks up!
