The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I get very conflicted in my head and start wondering why and then WHAM, oh yeah I not only stopped working my program, but I decided I could run the show again. I have veered pretty far of course of who I want to be and act the way I know to act. I am not expecting perfection from myself, but whenever my exAH comes into town I find it sooo easy to not only go to the train station but to hop on board full steam ahead towards crazy town. It annoys the crap out of me that I can work so hard to live in serenityville for very long stretches just to visit occassionally the crazy place of old. I know I have made progress, because just over 2 years ago I lived in crazytown every minute of everyday and knew no different. I need to pull up my big girl britches and get my program back on big time! I know I am an al-anoner for the rest of my life, because I choose to live differently now for me and my girls and continue to grow in healthier directions, so how did I forget again? So annoying! I feel like I sabotage myself with men and food from time to time just to keep myself yanked down, GRrrrrrrr, I know better. I have worked so hard this last year to get into the program I am trying to get into and I will know in less than a month and have worked very hard and want this so bad and I am buckling a bit under the pressure. I have learned to make do on very little, taking care of my 2 girls full time and working on the weekends and going to school during the week full time and I have done just fine this last year and now it is getting down to the wire, the stress is rising and financially things are going to change this Summer. Finals are coming up in a couple weeks. Change alone sends me freaking out, I love routine of any kind, but I know I will be fine and have made it through worse. Sorry to ramble away, but I do need some ESH. Thanks All!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
You and me both. But now we can recognize it and do something about it.
I'm happy your here and posting your feelings because that is a good way to get the ESH you need to get back on track... we are here to help each other.
Take care and love yourself... (( hugs ))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Wonderful awareness..sometimes we need to slip to see how far we have come. Thankfully, you have these al anon tools and they are waiting to embrace us ( and we are waiting to embrace you, too!) when we need them the most. hugs
(((((Breakingfree))))) I've been hopping on and off that train myself from time to time. I want the same thing you want and I know like you I am human...I can throw it all away without knowing or even wanting to do that intentionally. I got into the literature this morning...ODAAT, C2C and Hope 4 Today...and read the pages for 4/21 and 4/22 which led me to what is surely the cause of my problem..."me". It isn't about being wrong or bad...it's about doing a thing for the wrong reasons..."me". The "self" ish part of my behaviors have alway been the cause of all of my problem and so I am again redirected...facing my HP and asking "Place me where you want me...tell me what to do". Now I'm listening for repeats of the old lessons that worked and new lessons which will give me "WOWs" Thanks for the ESH and the grace to face HP and the program. ((((hugs))))
(((Breakingfree))) Thanks for your openness and honesty about this....and just know, you are not alone in this....the train is calling loudly sometimes...I know what you are describing all too well. And Jerry is so right...the problem is 'me'. I still sometimes think I know all about 'me', and ego gets me into big trouble ...always. so that's what I'm currently working on...letting go of EGO, loving myself, accepting ALL flaws, refusing being sucked into crazy town, for I do that out of habit and because feeling low is like a drug of choice (you know, the: don't go to the bakery if you wanna buy fish...kind-of-feeling)....being responsible, for healthy body, spirit, and mind. and not perfection, but hope for better use of this life and being more connected and in service to others, while taking care of myself...keeping the balance. Currently sounds like a PHD in living....>>>practice! Thanks for being here.
I Believe that we ALL have Moments of Slips, Some Bigger then Others, but that Just Only to me Proves My Humanness... I too if I Even just a Little "Waver" from my Program, I Catch myself Easily & Most Comfortablely, Slipping back to the Insanity that awaits me at every corner!
This time of Year My Son has Sports out the Wazoo... So My F2F Meetings are Few & Far Between! But Knowing that I can come here... Find HONEST Shares, (Like yours) that Proves to me, that We/I Am Human, and Mistakes Happen, BUT!!! What Am I Going to Do To Fix IT! :) And that is when I Reach out to my Program Friends, Pick up the Phone! Go Meet for Coffee! Or Just Flat out tell them, I NEED A Hug! Sometimes the "Crazy Train" is Easier for me then the Fight to OK... Sometimes for Me the Insanity, is the Only part of my Life, that I Feel Comfortable in! And that is when My Sponser, and My Al-Anon Family always Step up & Help Guide me to the Nearest Exit!
Your Doing Great! You didn't forget about your Program, and you are Jumping back on, with Honesty, Humility, & Humanness..One Day at a Time!!! KEEP Coming Back... Cause as You Know! YOUR WORTH IT
