The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Had a really nice and peaceful weekend...was able to spend time with two very good friends - brunch on Saturday morning with my BFF (the wise woman-sister I had mentioned before) and her daughter, who is graduating from high school next month. Saturday night, I had a lovely dinner with a friend from out of town and her beau. I hadn't seen or talked to her in a while so I told her about everything that had happened. She was godsmacked by the whole thing and, of course, very sorry for the situation as a whole.
I'm feeling a little lonely tonight...not much going on. It's only 7:30 and I'm already in my PJ's.
It's not that I'm lonely for my STBXAH, I just miss having some more bodies in the house.
When I was growing up, it was me, my mom, my two aunties, my uncle and my grandma all living in one house. When my mom and dad divorced when I was in fourth grade, we all moved into the house together because my mom couldn't afford it on her own. So it was craziness all the time - 90 percent of the time a good crazy. 10 percent of the time there were spats here and there but I think it was because we were all in such close quarters. But we all loved each other very much and all took care of one another.
So here I am in my quiet and (relatively) clean little house all alone. I can do whatever I want, watch whatever I want on TV, read whatever I want. But I am missing some relaxing Sunday conversation and laughs. There aren't any Al Anon meetings tonight, but I have my fourth step meeting tomorrow and I always look forward to it. Just would really like some companionship now.
I certainly can identify with having lots of bodies around and then just me. Raising my three sons with my AHsober was a thrill for me. He moved out and left the marriage when our youngest graduated from high school and went to college. A complete empty nest and no marriage all at once. It has been eight years. My sons moved in/out now and then. I considered it a gift. So many woman say that they could never be alone like me. It has not been easy. As you said, having the bodies around; I loved doing things as a family. I knew I couldn't make it alone. I piled Alanon on me - meetings, literature, sponsor, here at the board. I have kept busy; sometimes too busy. I would have the same feeling after having a great day with friends and events and at the end of the day it was just mw. I continued with my strategy. I would make phone calls to friends, watch TV, clean a drawer, and sometimes just sit in my aloneness.
And now, I have moved, changed jobs, and live with my 90 year old mother (she lived alone for 22 years). A new challenge. There are many of us who are alone. Not quite, we all have our HP. All the best.
Thanks Nancy and Kelly - it was so nice to read your posts this morning. Seems this is something that we all - as AlAnons and humans - go through. Good to know I'm not the only one working through this. (((hugs)))
I remember that loneliness when my husband moved out...it was an odd combination of relief, sadness, anger, voids, elation...so many feelings. What I did love was that I had the freedom to feel. I smelled him and felt sad and lonely, then when I thought of the ugly times I got mad; I was a mess yet I felt healthier. My container of me had all of this stuff all jumbling around together. It sounds like you are being with all of this just fine and it sounds like you have a good support system. BE for now
I still have my 4 kids living at home and I am also struggling with the aloneness that I feel. My ex and I have been apart since November but in reality, our marriage ended many years ago even though we shared a home still. It is hard even when surrounded by my children to miss feeling someone to hug once in a while. To remember feeling that there was someone that cared about you like no one else in the world did. I think that is my biggest struggle right now. I have my family and my friends in my life but there is a void that they can't fill. I don't know how to fill that emptiness. I miss having that close shared companionship. I don't know why I miss it so very much right now, especially since it did not really even exist in my marriage. Maybe its because it did not exist and because now that I am free to really build the true meaning of a relationship I am craving what it really should have been. I know that I need to be healthy and I am working towards that but I will be honest, the aloneness is hard. There are times I just want to be held. Ugh!!
