The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When you make it better for you and when you stay completely out of the alcoholic swamp. It was about going into my second year of Al-Anon, or so, that I was told I would have to remove myself from all things alcohol. At first that was confusing because I was so use to being in the middle of it all. Also one of the people in "All things alcohol" was my alcoholic/addict wife and that one brought up panic and tears. Still the "courage to change" helped me to do what I needed to do for me which didn't include dying in the disease because someone else wouldn't/couldn't stop drinking and using. I also was taught to kill all expectations of "them" and to not keeping looking over myshoulder to see what was happening back there without me or if they needed me and couldn't live without my fixing. "I was done" and so I separated from all things alcohol. In the past 34 years I've had the opportunity to rejoing family and family friends on family occasions not on my own territory and I have reactions which strengthen me back into separating from all things alcohol. The familiarity of the disease and what it does to me isn't welcomed and it still has its affect...familiar affect. Also they, the family and friends feel uneasy being around someone who won't/doesn't do what they do.
Its still having its affect as at times I make contact with relatives who were children with my children back then and who are now middle aged. My family is horribly screwed up...entirely. I was born into this disease long before they were even future suspicions or expectations and so I realize that they have been born into it also. It hasn't changed the disease keeps embracing the new ones as they arrive. As much as I would like others to think that I don't I still have a way of reacting to it...some of which I am glad for and some of which asks the question was that helping or was that enabling?
My eldest son has just recently been making the most insane decisions (in my mind) which have the most nonsensical affect on the family...like a bomb blast!! He must have recently had a lobodomy because if you hold up the picture of who he says he is against what he's been doing they don't nearly match up. I made contact with a niece last evening who I haven't heard from for a long while; my recently deceased older brothers eldest, who is a drinker from a drinker from a drinker etc etc etc who is in a fritz with her uncle my younger brother who is a drinker from a drinker from a drinker and she was asking me to "get involved" and guess what I said yes reacting to trying to keep the disease on its heels. "Keep the disease on its heels"??? You gotta be kidding Jerry F...more like "on your heels". I have an alterior motive in there which I want to see if it will support a spiritual connection with my Mom which my wife and I were able to form with her before her death. The connection was made, I believe thru the power of Al-Anon principles and spirituality with a woman who also entered her life thru the atmosphere of alcoholism and who left somewhat changed because of the influence of our programs. Al-Anon does work when you work it.
I'm feeling "under the influence" of...you all know what that means and feels like....insanity. I've got stuff I gotta do for myself and so I'm gonna do that. I've done enough in a short period of time within my sick family that I can't do anymore other than to turn them and me all over to the care of God as I understand God. Detach and self focus; get my stuff done. I'll keep coming back...(((((Mahalo MIP)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 20th of April 2013 01:29:59 PM
I hope your motives were right and all will be OK. My son is making bad decisions still and I don't know what will happen down the road but right now I'm getting all the help I need so I can handle it when the time comes. It's my fear for my son that I have the hardest time coming to terms with. But I can only pray that I don't get caught up in the insanity when it comes.
Prayers coming your way Jerry..... MIP loves you
(((( hugs )))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you for that image of seeing a mismatch when holding up what someone says against what someone does - it is a useful one.
Family - Last year I discovered that I had cousins living here in Italy so I was really excited to reconnect. I had a lovely lively day meeting with them and their mother, who is now in her 80's and still a very glamourous lady. I met up with them all again and the mother (my aunt in law) started telling me some things that I really did not think that I needed to know about my parents. I could have ruminated on the stuff she said for days and days. I could have let it change my (positive) view of my mum and dad. But there came a point when I thought 'that was their lives and this is mine, none of this defines me.' I have wondered whether the fates brought us together after my mom and dad had both died just for some closure so to speak. It also helped me to realise that not everyone who does the wrong thing is necessarily a bad person. Some things are in our genes and for me family ties are strong, but I do feel as though I can rewrite the programme a little if I need to! You help us here so much Jerry so I am sure that you have the tools. Wishing you well and thank you for this generous post.
Jerry, thank you for sharing. It's valuable for us newbies to see the program worked by an old timer. It tells me that this is a lifelong program or this disease sucks us back in. It also tells me this program works. It's sad that you are surrounded by alcoholism and it goes on and on. We are truly powerless.x
