The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hate is wrong and I know this. but I hate and feel sorry him at the same time. He wants nothing to do with our son who has huge social and behavioral issues aa well as learning issues. If the school calls he freaks at me - he thinks I can't tell he drinks everyday. But the smell and attitude disgust me.
I know the three C's and I know it's a disease. And honestly I stay because of money and insurance so I guess in wrong too. But my older two children (from previous marriage) won't even visit because he is such a loud sloppy abnoxious drunk (worse when company is here) I've read it's the low self esteem etc etc. but does that help me - NO
dreading every wkend and night after seven is getting old fast!!!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Hugs, keep coming back, .. it's hard to find the positive in someone who hates themselves. When I look at how STBAX treats the kids and myself I see a man who doesn't like himself. I keep trying to find the positive if nothing else so it helps me have a better attitude, different perspective, .. when he does the insane things that he does and trust me .. he does many. Constantly trying to rock the boat on so many levels, I just feel really sorry for him that this is what he needs to do to move forward.
At some point you are going to find whatever answers you are looking for .. it's a one day at a time process. Someone in the program once told me, hate uses up all my good. I don't know why that made so much sense to me and it still does. If I am busy hating anyone then where does that leave the love for myself.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I'm sorry you have this situation, but am glad you are here.
My unhealthy tolerance, fears, and co-dependency kept me "stuck" for a loooong time. When I was ready to make changes, changes happened... not necessarily the way I wanted them to, but I'm grateful for options and new opportunities. I am finding that even when my fears come to pass that it is not the end of the world (or hasn't been, yet, anyway lol).
Hi, im sorry you are going through this I remember it well. Im still dealing with my resentment and I have not lived with my ex for around 5 years now. He abandoned our children, me, life for many years and has barely got a relationship with my 15yr old son. This would make me so mad because I could not fill the shoes of 'Dad' He has made attempts to see him and contact him but only when all the conditions are right in his life and our son comes into his head, which is not often. His approach to parenting is like everything else, its a half hearted thing, no real sense of responsibility (except xmas for some bizarre reason he gets panicky about providing presents). His mind is filled with I, me, self so there is little room for anyone or anything else. He is in recovery now and he has had a little glimpse of reality but its a bit much for his sensitive soul so no denial is his chosen path.
The key, in my experience is acceptance, he is an alcoholic and that means what it means. We get mad when we expect more or more normal. acceptance is like a magic pill that takes the hate away, well most of the time. Take Care.x
Thx everyone. And yes last night I hated everything about him. Course he remembers nothing. He woke in his recliner and my door was shut so he figured I was mad. And he got in one of the kids beds. I have to visit my grown kids at their homes and I don't blame them - I'm embarrassed for him. They are more in control of their lives in their young 20's than he knows he'll ever be.
It is what it is. And as long as I don't bring up all he doesn't remember and just let him wonder what the heck happened. I understand one day at a time. It can go to hell and back each day.
Hugs to all!!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
I used to do everything, find, fix or confirm that he was the cause of something. No more.....
When he comes out of a blackout and wants to have something fix, found, or it wasn't him...I just say you figure it out. Makes him think about what he did.....if he can't his loss. He is the one getting crazy now....not me.
Take care of you and keep coming back
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
